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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There is an increasing trend around the world of married couples deciding not to have children. Discuss the advantages and disadvantagesfor couples who decide to do this.

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Nowadays, it is common for married people
to
Rephrase
apply
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not
have
Verb problem
to have
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children
Use synonyms
. I opine that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, and
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
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 I will discuss both sides and give my reasons why in
this
Linking Words
 essay. First of all, raising kids can bring financial difficulties
among
Change preposition
to
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 adults.
That is
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 because parents are obliged to support their
children
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 until adulthood.
Thus
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, having a kid even when you can comfortably earn an amount of money that can facilitate you, can lead to financial
drainage
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strain
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 after some time. Raising a baby could bring monetary hardships from the very beginning, starting with childbirth, up until the kid reaches adulthood.
For example
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, parents choosing the right hospital for a safe process of giving birth, buying all the necessities for the infant
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such
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, such
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 as new clothes, pacifiers, sheets, and diapers, and paying for the medical treatments both for the mother and the infant can cost at least 1000 American Dollars.
However
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, couples deciding not to have
children
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 can contribute to the matter of population collapse.
Due to
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 some
individual’s
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individuals’
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 personal decisions, it can have an impact on broader society, like some countries experiencing mass unemployment or even a failure in innovation. A study conducted by the University of Hong Kong in 2010 shows that as young
couple
Correct subject-verb agreement
couples
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 decide not to leave their offspring has now led to a decline in the education sector since there are
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
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 kids to attend middle school.
Thus
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, leaving the teachers unemployed, making the unemployment rate greater than before. As a conclusion, I have written on the statement of couples deciding not to raise
children
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 given the aforementioned points, it is fair
to conclude
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,
Correct word choice
that, although
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although
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 raising kids can be costly, not having them can be an even greater threat to society.

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task response
Make the good and bad points more direct for couples. The first body paragraph clearly explains that couples may save money. In the second body paragraph, explain more clearly how fewer children may affect the couple themselves, such as less help, care, or family life in old age.
task response
Develop each main point with a clear cause and result. For example, say that couples without children may have more money for housing, travel, or work. Then explain why this can make their life easier.
task response
Be careful with facts that are hard to prove. The Hong Kong study is very exact, but it is not fully explained. A simple, believable example is better: fewer children can mean fewer school jobs in some places.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the first body paragraph, start with the main point in a short sentence: “One advantage is that couples can save money.” Then give the details.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. “However” is good to show the other side, but “As a conclusion” should be “In conclusion”. Also, do not use “Thus” too often; use “As a result” or “For this reason” when needed.
coherence and cohesion
Make some sentences shorter and clearer. For example, “as young couple decide not to leave their offspring” is hard to follow. You could write: “If many young couples choose not to have children, there may be fewer students in schools.”
coherence and cohesion
Your ending should restate your view in a simple way. Avoid “I have written on the statement”. You could write: “In conclusion, although having children is costly, a large fall in the number of children can cause problems for society.”
task response
You answer both parts of the question. You explain one good point of not having children, and one bad point. Your view is clear from the first paragraph and again in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body paragraphs, and an ending. Words such as “First of all”, “However”, “For example”, and “Thus” help the reader follow your ideas.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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