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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both ideas and give your opinion.

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In our lives, many
people
Use synonyms
 face problems
such
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 as not having enough money or working in a job they do not enjoy. Some from the society believe that we should simply accept these situations,
whereas
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 others argue that we must make an effort to change them. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both perspectives and explain my own opinion. On the one hand,
some
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Some
show examples
people
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 claim that adapting
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
negative
situation
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 is beneficial for mental well-being.
Moreover
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, the benefit of accepting a bad
situation
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 is that the person remains calm and can handle the circumstances better.
However
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, undergoing a crisis is very challenging.
if
Capitalize the word
If
show examples
 an individual constantly complains about their low salary, they are likely to feel stressed, frustrated and dissatisfied with life.
As a result
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, acceptance can help
people
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 remain calm and emotionally stable in a challenging world.
On the other hand
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, many
people
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 argue that individuals should actively try to improve their circumstances.
For instance
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, an employee who feels stuck in a low-paying job can take evening courses, develop new skills, or search for better opportunities. Over time, these small steps may lead to significant career advancement.
Moreover
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, history provides many examples of successful
people
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 who refused to accept their difficult beginnings.
Therefore
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, if
people
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 simply accept an unsatisfactory
situation
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 without taking action, they may remain in the same position indefinitely. In my opinion,
although
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 acceptance can bring temporary peace, making an effort to improve one’s
situation
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 is far more beneficial in the long term. Being patient does not mean being passive.
Instead
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,
people
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 should realistically evaluate their problems and create practical plans to overcome them.
For example
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, someone struggling financially could reduce unnecessary expenses
while
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 simultaneously seeking additional sources of income.

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task response
You discuss both views and give a clear view of your own. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why some people may need to accept a bad job or little money, such as family needs or few work choices.
task response
Your examples are clear and fit the topic. Add one more real and clear example for the first view, so both sides have the same amount of support.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and a final view. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are in a good order. Make the first body part flow more smoothly by joining the idea about a crisis to the point about being calm.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. You use words such as 'Moreover', 'However', and 'As a result' well, but do not use too many. Also begin each sentence with a capital letter: 'If' in the first body part.
task response
You answer every part of the question: you present both views and clearly state that trying to improve a bad situation is better over time.
task response
The job course example and the money example are useful, clear, and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main idea, and the reader can follow your argument easily.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph clearly brings your ideas together and gives a practical final point.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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