IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

The bar chart chows the amount of energy generated by wind in four countries from 1985 to 2000.

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Introduction
The bar charts represent how much
energy
Use synonyms
does
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the wind
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 from 1985 to 2000 in four different countries.
Body paragraph 1
Overall
Linking Words
, we can see a decrease from
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
State
Check wording
States
show examples
 to India in the amount of
energy
Use synonyms
 created.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 decrease has been cut by Denmark
who
Correct pronoun usage
, which
show examples
 created a large amount of
energy
Use synonyms
 in the
five
Correct word order
last five years
show examples
last
Linking Words
 year.
Body paragraph 2
From 1985 to 1990, the order of the countries
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 created
energy
Use synonyms
 from the wind
still
Verb problem
remained
show examples
 the same. The United States were at the top of the charts with 1200
megawatts
Use synonyms
 in 1985 to 1600
megawatts
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 in 1990.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 amelioration is less important for the other countries. Each one
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 their
energy
Use synonyms
approximately
Change preposition
by approximately
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
200
megawatts
Use synonyms
. So 200
megawatts
Use synonyms
 less
Linking Words
then
Use the right word
than
show examples
 the United States.
Conclusion
Starting from 1995,
this
Linking Words
 correlation
start
Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
show examples
 moving.
United
Correct article usage
The United
show examples
 States started losing
energy
Use synonyms
going
Punctuation problem
, going
show examples
 from 1650 to 1600.
As well as
Linking Words
 from 1995 to 2000,
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 they
lose
Wrong verb form
lost
show examples
 100
megawatts
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the others country increase
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 creation of power.
For example
Linking Words
, Denmark
move
Wrong verb form
moved
show examples
 from 1990 to 2000, from 1200
megawatts
Use synonyms
 to 1650
megawatts
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 increase
work
Change preposition
in work
show examples
also
Linking Words
for
Verb problem
affects
show examples
 Germany and India.

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task response
Make the main overview more exact. Say which country is highest at the start and at the end, and say the main change for all four countries.
task response
Check every number and year very carefully. Some figures are hard to follow, and the United States figures do not match well across the time periods.
task response
Compare all four countries in each main part. Germany and India are only named at the end, with no clear data or full comparison.
task response
Do not say wind “creates” energy. Write “energy generated by wind” or “wind energy” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences. For example: “From 1985 to 1990, all four countries rose, but the United States stayed far ahead.”
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same idea in one paragraph. The first body paragraph should cover the early years, and the second should cover the later years with clear comparisons.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple comparison words more often: “higher than”, “lower than”, “while”, “whereas”, and “by the end of the period”.
coherence and cohesion
Fix sentence forms so the links are clear. For example, write “the other countries increased their power generation” rather than “the others country increase they creation of power”.
task response
You give a clear main idea in the first paragraph: the United States is high at first, and Denmark grows a lot near the end.
task response
You use some data, such as 1,200, 1,600, and 1,650 megawatts, to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear time order: 1985–1990 first, then 1995–2000.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “However”, “By contrast”, and “For example”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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