Some people belive that watching tv is bad for children while others claim that it has positive effects for children as they grow up. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

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Other people claimed that watching
TV
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has positive effects on
children
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, and others
contrast
Verb problem
disagree with
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this
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topic. In
this
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essay, I will discuss both views and give my honest opinion on
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
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.
To begin
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with, television is now part of our daily lives; every home has its own
TV
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. If we let our
children
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to
Wrong verb form
apply
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watch a
TV
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show, parents should guide their
kids
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to what kind of shows they can watch and set
limit
Correct article usage
a limit
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how
Change preposition
on how
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long they can stare at the
TV
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screens.
Furthermore
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, there are a lot of educational series and programs for learning that can help the imagination of young
children
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and help them learn academic skills.
For instance
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, watching shows like Bluey is family-oriented, friendly, and
children
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can learn how to appreciate every family member and learn how to solve problems on their own. Plus, in
this
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kind of series,
children
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improve their compassion and face the simple daily life of theirs.
On the other hand
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, other people disagree with
this
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. Letting
children
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watch
TV
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can destroy their analytical thinking.
For example
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, it can reduce their communication skills with other
kids
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, and they may not be physically healthy,
such
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as being overweight. Not having physical exercise and playing outside is a major concern
too
Punctuation problem
, too
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that
Punctuation problem
, that
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can cause introversion and a lack of social skills.
To conclude
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, Parents should guide their
kids
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; it’s very important to be there
while
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their
kids
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are watching to pick the right series or movies for them.
Additionally
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, everything should be in moderation and balance, where their
kids
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can watch
TV
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at the same time as learning
while
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being physically active outside.

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task response
Give a fuller view of the bad side of TV. You mention less talk, less play, and weight gain, but explain more clearly how these happen and why they are bad for children.
task response
Make your own opinion more direct in the first part. For example, say that TV is good only when adults choose the content and control the time.
task response
Use one more clear example for the bad side, such as a child who watches TV for many hours and then has less time to play, talk, or sleep.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each main paragraph focused on one idea. The first body part has several points about parents, learning, family, and daily life. Put the main point first, then explain it, then give the example.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas can be smoother. For example, “Other people claimed” is not a clear opening. You could begin with: “Some people believe TV can help children, while others think it can harm them.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “children”, “kids”, and “watch TV” too often. You can use “young people”, “they”, or “this activity” when the meaning is clear.
coherence and cohesion
Check a few sentence forms for clear meaning. For example, write “If we let children watch TV, parents should guide them” and “set limits on how long they watch.”
task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. Your main idea is clear: TV can help children when parents choose good shows and set time limits.
task response
The example of Bluey is clear and linked to your point about family, care, and problem solving.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. The words “To begin with”, “On the other hand”, and “To conclude” help the reader follow your ideas.
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