IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The diagram shows the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The depicted procedure delineates the information about making the cement and concrete.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the limestone and the clay
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 thoroughly crushed
after
Punctuation problem
, after
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 that it went thorough the mixer where they are mixed fully. In the next
step
Add a comma
step,
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 the mixture went to the heating rotator, which is supplied
heat
Change preposition
with heat
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 from the outside.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the mixture
resulted
Wrong verb form
resulting
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 from the heating process is placed in the
grinder
Punctuation problem
grinder,
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 where it becomes
more fine
Replace the word
finer
 than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 initial stage
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the mixture is transformed into cement and packed into the bags.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, to make
concrete
Punctuation problem
concrete,
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 several things are used
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 cement 15%, water 10%, sand 25% and gravel 50%. All of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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these are placed in the concrete mixer
a
Punctuation problem
, a
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large machine used by the construction workers. The machine
mix
Correct subject-verb agreement
mixes
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 these materials completley and it
resulted
Wrong verb form
results
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 in concrete. Workers make the buildings using concrete and many other places
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 pools, rooms
etc
Punctuation problem
, etc
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • raw materials
  • ground into a powder
  • rotating heater
  • clinker
  • packaged in bags
  • concrete production
  • specified proportions
  • concrete mixer
  • building purposes
  • blended
  • limestone
  • clay
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