IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think more public money should be spent on roads and motorways than on public transport systems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is undeniable that highways and public transportation require substantial capital. An argument states that car roads are more essential than public transport,
such
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 as
buses
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 and trams. From my perspective, I disagree to a large extent with the given statement.
Initially
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, transporting citizens on one large vehicle reduces traffic congestion, which effectively means road trips will potentially become more flexible and convenient during work periods; the primary reason is that a lot of people
transmitted
Verb problem
transitioned
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 from cars to public
buses
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 as an economic alternative.
In addition
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, public transportations are greatly efficient in terms of carbon footprint waste in comparison to vehicles because
they are
Fix the agreement mistake
it is
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 fully electric in the majority of countries. A clear example of
this
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 can be seen in Ireland, where all types of public transportation are operated using electricity.
Consequently
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, the Human Development Index ranked them second globally in terms of sustainability.
Furthermore
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, trains and
buses
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 managed by the government or experienced companies focus mainly on safety instructions
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 they provide an allocated budget just for raising the
passenger's
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passengers'
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 safety.
Therefore
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, death rates
due to
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 street accidents will become negligible, which will enhance the life expectancy for the country's citizens.
For instance
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, a recent study in Japan revealed that car accidents declined by approximately 32 per cent after the significant switch to
buses
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 by residents. In conclusion, despite people holding a variety of diverse points of view, I firmly hold the opinion that increasing expenditure on transport systems
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 more crucial environmentally and socially than motorways and roads .

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task response
Make your view even more exact. Say that roads still need some public money for repair and safety, but public transport should get more. This answers “to what extent” in a fuller way.
task response
Explain each point with a more direct link to public spending. For example, say that more bus and train money can add more lines, lower ticket cost, and make services more often.
task response
Be careful with facts that may not be true or may be hard to prove. The points about all public transport in Ireland using electricity and the HDI result do not clearly support your main claim. Use a simple, clear example instead.
task response
Your Japan example is useful, but explain why the fall in car crashes happened. For example: fewer people drove cars, so there were fewer cars on the road and fewer chances for crashes.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body part. In the first body part, you move from traffic to cost to air harm. Split these ideas more clearly, or focus on one key idea and develop it fully.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are not fully clear. For example, “which effectively means road trips will potentially become more flexible” is hard to follow. Use a shorter link: “As a result, there are fewer cars on the road, so travel by car is faster.”
coherence and cohesion
Use clear word choice for the main topic. Write “public transport” rather than “public transportations”, and write “people move from cars to buses” rather than “people transmitted from cars”.
coherence and cohesion
The last line has a clear view, but make it more direct: “For these reasons, public money should be spent more on public transport than on new roads and motorways.”
task response
You give a clear view from the start: you do not agree that roads should get more public money. Your main reasons are clear: public transport can cut traffic, cut harm to the air, and make travel safer.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an opening, two main body parts, and a closing. Words such as “Initially”, “Furthermore”, “Therefore”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
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