IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that newspapers are the best media to learn and get information from, while others believe that the internet is a better source. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In modern society, it is argued whether
newspapers
Use synonyms
 are the best source of media,
while
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 others strongly believe that the
internet
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 is much more handy and practical. From my perspective,
newspapers
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 are much more beneficial and convenient. On the one hand, the
internet
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 is the most widespread way to gain information regardless of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 topic. It means that the global network has a wide variety of different
news
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, which enables people to consume more worldwide
news
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 remotely.
For instance
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,
individuals
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 from the USA may read some political
news
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 about Russia through the
internet
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, which raises
the
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apply
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awareness about the wars among people.
As a result
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, not only does the
internet
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 help to acquire global
news
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, but it
also
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 enables people to get any media from home.
However
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, the excessive use of the
internet
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 can
impact negatively on
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negatively impact
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 public
health
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. In order to get digital information,
individuals
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 tend to use innovations,
such
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 as laptops and phones, which clearly creates more
health
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 problems related to
eyes
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the eyes
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 and promotes
the
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a
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 sedentary lifestyle.
Therefore
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,
this
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 increases the rates of diseases, thereby worsening public
health
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.
On the other hand
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,
newspapers
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 do not require the use of devices, which is much more convenient for the older generation. Older
individuals
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 often struggle with the
internet
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 connection or complex digital interfaces.
For example
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, physical
newspapers
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 require no charging
and
Correct word choice
or
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 passwords, allowing seniors to become aware of local or international updates.
Moreover
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,
newspapers
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 offer fewer distractions. When
individuals
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 read a newspaper, they are likely to have
deeper
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a deeper
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 focus on the topic, leading to an improved understanding of
a
Correct article usage
the
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 text.
That is
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 why I firmly believe that
newspapers
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 are a more beneficial media source. In conclusion,
although
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 the
internet
Use synonyms
 plays a crucial role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access to global
news
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, it negatively affects
health
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.
Newspapers
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 bring easier opportunities for older
individuals
Use synonyms
 and help to absorb information,
while
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 I firmly believe that the second source is much more advantageous.

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task response
Develop the internet view more fully. You explain that it gives world news, but the health point is not closely about which source is better for learning news. Add points such as speed, low cost, live news, and many types of sources.
task response
Make your reasons for choosing newspapers stronger. Newspapers may be easier for some older people, but they are not always more convenient for all people. Explain why paper news is more trusted, more focused, or better checked.
task response
Be careful with very broad claims. For example, saying internet use increases disease rates needs strong proof. Use softer words such as “may cause eye strain” or “can lead to less movement”.
task response
Your conclusion should state your opinion in a more direct way. Say clearly that newspapers are better in your view because they help readers focus and may be more trusted, while the internet is better for fast world news.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea. In the internet paragraph, move from access to news to health problems feels like a sudden change. Link the ideas more clearly, or use a point that is directly about news.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas need to be clearer. For example, after the Russia example, explain how this makes the internet a better source before moving to the next point.
coherence and cohesion
Use fewer repeated words such as “news”, “information”, and “individuals”. You can use “reports”, “updates”, “people”, and “readers” to make the flow smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Check word choice in key links. “The second source” is unclear in the conclusion. Write “newspapers” again so the reader does not need to guess.
task response
You discuss both views and give a clear opinion. Your main idea is easy to find: you think newspapers are better.
task response
You use clear examples, such as people in the USA reading news about Russia and older people reading paper news.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, internet view, newspaper view, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “On the one hand”, “For instance”, “Moreover”, and “In conclusion”.
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