IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that studying at univeristy or college is the best route to a successful career,while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact
studying
Correct word choice
that studying
show examples
 at
univeristy
Correct your spelling
university
is the best way to
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 a successful career.
Linking Words
while
Capitalize the word
While
show examples
 it is a commonly held belief that some
people
Use synonyms
 still prefer to get a job straight after school.There is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it
,i
Punctuation problem
. I
show examples
 consider that studying at college helps
student
Check wording
students
show examples
 achieve
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
 stability after graduation.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, studying at
univeristy
Correct your spelling
university
 can be useful in several ways.
Linking Words
in
Capitalize the word
In
show examples
 other words, it encourages them to discover new skills and gain knowledge, which can help their country achieve economic growth.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who work in medicine and science should have a certification. which helps
people
Use synonyms
 to receive proper treatment.
For example
Linking Words
, universities are essential for most
people
Use synonyms
 who want to become a doctor or teacher, which has a positive effect on personality and the country.
Body paragraph 2
Another point to considert that getting a job straight after school helps
people
Use synonyms
 feel more comfortable.
it
Capitalize the word
It
show examples
 is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that they can earn a lot of money , which gives them many opportunities
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as getting married or building a house.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who start working straight after school can start their career quickly, which is intriguing for most young adults.
Linking Words
for
Capitalize the word
For
show examples
 instance, they do not need to spend more money and time, which provides them with experience and helps them communicate with
people
Use synonyms
 of different ages.
Conclusion
In conclusion, despite
people
Use synonyms
 having different views, I believe that students have to study at
univeristy
Correct your spelling
university
because it can make their life much easier
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
This
Linking Words
 leads to financial stability in the future

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task response
Make your main ideas more fully developed. For university study, explain why new skills and knowledge lead to better jobs, higher pay, or more job choices.
task response
For the work-after-school view, explain that early work can give real skills, work habits, and money. Then show why this may not be enough for some jobs.
task response
Use more exact examples. For example, say that a doctor needs years of study, but a worker in a shop or trade can learn by doing the job.
task response
Keep your opinion clear from the start. You can say that college is the better path for most people, but work after school is a good choice for people who need money or want a trade.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then add an explanation and one example. This will make each paragraph easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are not clear. For example, the sentence about medicine and science should be joined to the point before it more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid using “which” too many times. It can make your sentences long and unclear. Use short sentences when you give a new reason.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence breaks and capital letters. Do not start a new sentence with “while”, “in other words”, or “for example” unless the full sentence is complete.
coherence and cohesion
In the conclusion, restate both views very briefly before giving your final view. This will make the ending stronger.
task response
You discuss both sides and clearly give your own view: college study can lead to a more stable future.
task response
Your examples about doctors, teachers, and starting work early are on topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear opening, two main body parts, and a closing paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “To begin with”, “In addition”, “Moreover”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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