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Band 6

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. •What problems can lack of sleep cause? •What can be done about lack of sleep?

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Introduction
It has become common for
people
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 to suffer from a lack of sleep
due to
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 factors
such
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 as
screen
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time
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 and work stress.
This
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 essay will explore the problems caused by insufficient sleep,
such
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 as a reduction in concentration and
productivity
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, before suggesting effective solutions that can address
this
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 issue.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, sleep deprivation has a detrimental effect on
people
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's daily lives, significantly reducing their concentration and
productivity
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.
This
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 is because the brain needs to rest in order to function well, but without enough sleep,
people
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 struggle to focus on work.
For instance
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, a survey conducted in several high schools across the United States found that many teenagers who played video games late into the
night
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 reported difficulty concentrating in class the following day.
Thus
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, sleep deprivation directly leads to low
productivity
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 and daytime drowsiness, ultimately affecting
people
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's
overall
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 performance.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, one effective solution to
this
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 issue is reducing
screen
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time
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 before bed, which can significantly improve sleep quality. Since exposure to too much blue light
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 comes from digital
screens
Punctuation problem
screens,
show examples
 has a negative effect on sleep,
people
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 can stop scrolling through social media applications,
such
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 as TikTok. To illustrate, recent surveys conducted in a number of workplaces across the UK found that a reduction in social media use late at
night
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 increases sleep
time
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 during the
night
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, which in turn enhances
people
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's
productivity
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 during the day.
Hence
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, a decline in
screen
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time
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 can prevent
people
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 from sleep deprivation, allowing them to get sufficient sleep during the
night
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, insufficient sleep has a negative impact on
people
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's lives, as it reduces their
productivity
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 and concentration. To tackle
this
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, reducing
screen
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time
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 can provide an effective method to overcome
this
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 issue, as it helps
people
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 to get sufficient sleep.

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task response
Answer both questions with more than one main idea. For example, lack of sleep can also cause poor health, low mood, and more road accidents. For help, add ideas such as a set sleep time, less late work, and support from schools or work places.
task response
Make the examples more clear and real. The surveys are useful, but say how they were done or give a simple case. Do not make a big claim from a survey without more detail.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow, with a clear start, two main parts, and an end. To make it even better, link the cause and the result more closely in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of simple links, such as “as a result”, “also”, “because of this”, and “in addition”. This will help the ideas move more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
The first body part gives one problem well. Add a second problem in the same part or make a new short part, so the answer feels more complete.
task response
You clearly explain how too little sleep can harm focus and work, and you give a practical way to help: less screen use before bed.
task response
Your main ideas stay on the topic and the examples support the points you make.
coherence and cohesion
The writing has a clear order: introduction, problem, solution, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Topic sentences such as “First of all” and “Secondly” help the reader understand the main point of each part.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sleep deprivation
  • lack of sleep
  • sleep quality
  • regular sleep schedule
  • bedtime routine
  • natural body clock
  • mental well-being
  • low mood
  • weaken the immune system
  • reduced concentration
  • impaired judgement
  • workplace productivity
  • road safety
  • traffic accidents
  • screen time
  • blue light exposure
  • cut down on caffeine
  • a quiet sleeping environment
  • healthy working hours
  • public awareness campaign
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