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Writing Samples
Band 3

With the coming of digital education, some people believe that traditional studies may fall down. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
In the modern era, technology has improved
largely
Rephrase
significantly
show examples
. So, it makes studying much easier. Others,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, think going to school and
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 the infomations by the
teacher
Use synonyms
 is better than digital study.
This
Linking Words
 essay aims to elucidate the differing perspectives before offering my own viewpoint.
Body paragraph 1
Examining the former opinion, these days, many people use digital devices to study online because they do not have any schools in their area or schools are far from them.
As a result
Linking Words
, they use
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 to communicate with teachers online,
were
Use the right word
where
show examples
 teachers can teach them.
For example
Linking Words
, nowadays too many
of
Change preposition
apply
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African
countrys
Correct your spelling
countries
 are poor in schools and education because of their lack
economy
Change preposition
of economy
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the nation
there are
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 the money to study abroad for the same previous reason. So, they could
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
learn online.
Body paragraph 2
Considering the other perspective, others argue that
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 teaching system is the best because the students can take values and characteristics from
thier
Correct your spelling
their
teacher
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
teacher
Use synonyms
 can give moral support for his students if they need.
For example
Linking Words
, when a student
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
 tired or exhausted from studying hard, the
teacher
Use synonyms
 will give him some support.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both views
are having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 pros and cons. So,
on
Change preposition
from
show examples
 my own viewpoint,
traditional
Correct article usage
the traditional
show examples
 learning method is better because when they can be sccessful on their studies and their life.

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task response
Make your main ideas more clear. Explain not only why online study is useful, but also why some people think it may make old study less common.
task response
Give a fuller answer to both sides. For online study, add ideas such as learning at any time, lower cost, and more choice. For school study, add face-to-face help, friends, and a set place to learn.
task response
Your opinion needs more support. Say clearly why school study is better, then give two reasons and explain how these reasons help students.
task response
Make examples more exact. The example about African countries is too broad. Use one clear case, such as a child in a small town joining an online class because the nearest school is far away.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body part. Start with a clear topic sentence, explain the idea, give an example, and end the part with a short result.
coherence and cohesion
Use links in a more natural way. For example: "One reason is that...", "This means that...", "However...", and "For this reason...".
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the word order is not clear. For example, change "were teachers can teach them" to "where teachers can teach them".
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending more direct. Instead of "traditional learning method is better because when they can be sccessful", write: "In my view, school study is better because teachers can give direct help and support students in both study and daily life."
task response
You discuss both online study and school study, and you give your own view at the end.
task response
You use examples about people who live far from schools and about teacher support.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as "On the other hand", "For example", "Moreover", and "In conclusion".
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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