IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

**Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed.** **However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments.** **Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?** Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Introduction
While
Linking Words
 other
people
Use synonyms
 might suggest that animal
experiments
Use synonyms
 should be completely forbidden, I think they are essential to scentific researches. Not only because most
experiments
Use synonyms
 can be a lot less harmful to
animals
Use synonyms
 if we apply
carefully
Correct pronoun usage
them carefully
show examples
, but
also
Linking Words
 because some important research is difficult to
be conducted
Wrong verb form
conduct
show examples
 on
human
Check wording
humans
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, the impressions
people
Use synonyms
 usually have
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 animal
experiments
Use synonyms
 are usually inhumane, but there are more
experiments
Use synonyms
 that only require them to do specific tasks or need some pills. The effects are temporary and harmless.
For example
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,
psychlogists
Correct your spelling
psychologists
 often use rats to study cognition. In the lab, the researchers will design different kinds of mazes and calculate the
spending
Replace the word
apply
time.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, some
experiments
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 are almost impossible to be done on
people
Use synonyms
due to
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 ethical reasons.
For instance
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, a new medicine usually relies on animal testing to make sure it is useful and harmless to
livings
Correct your spelling
living beings
. It will be really complicated to examine the effectiveness of the medicine without the help of
animals
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
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, some rare cases are extremely hard to find enough testing
people
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, making
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
experimentation on
animals
Use synonyms
 more essential.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
although
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 state that animal
experiments
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 should be banned by the government, I believe that they can
also
Linking Words
 hugely benefit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human society. There are a lot more
experiments
Use synonyms
 that do little harm to
animals
Use synonyms
 but give us valuable findings toward specific topics. What's more, some medical research is especially challenging to
be conducted
Wrong verb form
conduct
show examples
 on human beings,
while
Linking Words
 they save countless lives.
Therefore
Linking Words
, from the above reasons, I strongly
argee
Correct your spelling
agree
 that experimentation on
animals
Use synonyms
 can be justified.

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task response
Answer the second question more fully. You say animal tests are needed, but you do not clearly give other ways to do research. Add a full part on other ways, such as cell tests, computer models, or tests on human cells. Then explain that these ways can help, but may not yet take the place of animal tests in all cases.
task response
Make your first reason more exact. Saying that many tests are harmless is too broad. Say that some tests cause little or no pain, while tests that may cause pain should be used only when there is no other way.
task response
Develop the medicine example with one more step. For example, explain that animal tests may show side effects before a new drug is given to people.
coherence and cohesion
The first main part has a small jump from “inhumane” tests to simple tasks and pills. Add a link sentence to show that animal work is not all the same, and that the level of harm can be very different.
coherence and cohesion
Use more exact links between ideas. For example, use “However” before the limit of other ways, or “As a result” before the point about safety. This will make the flow even smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same. You use “animal experiments”, “animal testing”, and “experimentation on animals”. This is not wrong, but using one main term more often can make the essay feel more connected.
task response
Your main view is clear from the start: animal tests can be right in some cases. You give two clear reasons: some tests cause little harm, and some work cannot be done on people.
task response
The rat maze example is useful and easy to understand. The example of new drugs also strongly supports your view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an opening, two main parts, and an ending. Words such as “First of all”, “Secondly”, “For instance”, and “To sum up” help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part stays on one main idea, so the writing is easy to read.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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