IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some employers offer their employees subsidized membership of gym or sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in so doing. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

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Some
employers
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 help cover the cost of fitness club
memberships
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 for their workers.
However
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, other companies believe
this
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 is not a worthwhile investment. I believe it can save a lot of money on healthcare, it can boost morale and improve mental
wellbeing
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well-being
. On one hand,
employers
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 who support
gym
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memberships
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 argue that
this
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 leads to healthier
employees
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, which can reduce sick days and improve productivity.
For example
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,
employees
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 who exercise and consume healthy food can prevent various diseases
such
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 as obesity, which can lead to high blood pressure, diabetes, higher cancer risk and liver disease. Healthier
employees
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 can lead to a positive company culture.
For example
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,
employees
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 often share positive experiences about their workplace with others, which strengthens the company's reputation. Working in an environment where people care about their health and mental state can inspire others to do the same, creating a more motivated team.
On the other hand
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, some
employers
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 believe that spending money on
gym
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memberships
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 is a waste if
employees
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 do not take advantage of the benefit. They argue that not everyone enjoys going to the
gym
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 or that some may prefer other forms of exercise, like walking or cycling. Another point of view is that the money used for
gym
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memberships
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 could be better spent on training or improving work conditions.
Employers
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 might believe that these changes will have a more direct impact on productivity and job satisfaction.
Additionally
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,
this
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 approach does not always succeed, as some
employees
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 choose not to use these benefits. In conclusion,
while
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 some
employers
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 believe that
subsidized
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subsidised
show examples
gym
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memberships
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 are better spent
elsewhere
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, others argue that they can improve employee health. In my opinion,
subsidized
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subsidised
show examples
gym
Use synonyms
memberships
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 are a worthwhile investment for
employers
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, as they can reduce healthcare costs and improve staff morale and mental
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
.

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task response
Give a more real and full example. For instance, say how a company gym plan cut sick days or helped staff stay at work more often.
task response
Explain the other side in more depth. Show why staff training or better work places may help a firm more than a gym plan.
task response
Your view is clear, but add one fair point: a gym plan works best when staff can pick other forms of sport too.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas need a clearer link. After the list of health problems, explain more directly how this helps the firm save time and money.
coherence and cohesion
The point about company name is less strong than the health and work points. Either link it more clearly to hiring good staff, or use that space for a stronger point.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid saying the same idea more than once. The point that some staff may not use the plan appears in two places; join it into one fuller point.
task response
You discuss both sides and give a clear view from the start and again at the end.
task response
Your main ideas are on topic: health, sick days, work output, staff mood, and the cost of the plan.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: opening, one side, the other side, and a final view.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear links such as “On one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • employers
  • employees
  • subsidized
  • membership
  • gym
  • sports clubs
  • healthier
  • effective
  • productivity
  • increase
  • benefit
  • money
  • work
  • culture
  • energy
  • focus
  • sick days
  • motivation
  • training
  • conditions
  • exercise
  • impact
  • job satisfaction
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