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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Nowadays, more individuals are choosing healthier lifestyles given the fact of not consuming animal products, such as, meat or fish. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.

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Introduction
Many individuals believe that excluding animal products ,
such
Linking Words
 as
meat
Use synonyms
, fish, and lamb, is the better way to stay healthy. In my opinion, I believe that we should try to consume the required amounts of
meat
Use synonyms
 daily
is
Correct word choice
, as it is
show examples
 the best solution to stay healthy. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will write from both sides and conclude
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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with my own opinion.
Body paragraph 1
A plant-based diet can improve
people
Use synonyms
's health.
This
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 is because vegetables and fruits contain vitamins, minerals and fibre.
For instance
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,
people
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 who regularly consume vegetables may have a lower risk of certain diet-related health problems.
Therefore
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, replacing some animal products with plant-based foods can contribute to a healthier lifestyle.
Secondly
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, to replace
meat
Use synonyms
, cooking
vegetable's
Check wording
vegetables
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 differently and eating only dairy and veggies would make our digestive system cleaner.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
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 of vegans once said that normal
people
Use synonyms
 who eat
meat
Use synonyms
 emit a strong bad odour.
Likewise
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,
it is clear that
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meat
Use synonyms
 consumption can have side effects by clogging
and
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the arteries and
show examples
 is even bad for skin tone.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, a diet that completely excludes animal products may cause nutritional deficiencies.
This
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 is because some essential nutrients,
such
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 as vitamin B12 and iron, are more difficult to obtain from plant-based foods.
For example
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,
people
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 who follow a poorly planned vegan diet may not consume enough of these nutrients.
Conclusion
To summarise, both perspectives have
it's
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 own benefits
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 disadvantages outweigh the other and can cause detrimental problems. For humans.

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task response
Make your own view clear from start to end. At the start, you say people should eat the right amount of meat. In the end, you say the bad points are stronger, but it is not clear if you mean the bad points of eating meat or the bad points of not eating animal food.
task response
Give a fuller discussion of the bad side of this trend. You explain missing B12 and iron well, but add how this can affect people, for example, low energy or poor health if meals are not planned well.
task response
Use more careful support. The point about vegans saying that meat eaters have a bad smell is too broad and does not strongly support your main idea. Replace it with a clear health or food example.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each part. The first body part moves from vitamins to digestion, smell, blocked blood flow, and skin. Split these ideas or choose only the strongest two.
coherence and cohesion
Make links between sentences smoother. For example: “Plant foods can help health because they are high in fibre and vitamins. As a result, eating more of them may lower the risk of some health problems.”
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending match the whole essay. State both sides in one short way, then give one direct final view. For example: “A plant-based diet can be healthy, but people must plan it well. I believe that eating some animal food, with plenty of plant food, is the safer choice for most people.”
task response
You discuss both sides: the health good points of plant food and the risk of missing key food needs without animal food.
task response
You give clear examples, such as vitamins, fibre, vitamin B12, and iron.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, one paragraph for each side, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “For instance”, “Secondly”, “On the other hand”, and “To summarise” to guide the reader.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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