IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People are not excercising regularly, even though they know it is beneficial for their health. Why is this a problem? What can be done to tackle it? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Many people don't do
trainings
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training
show examples
 or can't maintain stability in them, which shows random motivation, rather than discipline. There are several reasons for that
which
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, which
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 have possible solutions. In
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will provide my ideas
how
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on how
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem can be addressed.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, one of the
biggest
Correct word choice
greatest
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 difficulties is the "opportunity cost" of doing
excercises
Correct your spelling
exercises
,
for example
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: going to
fast
Correct article usage
a fast
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 food bistro, visiting
club
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a club
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 with close friends
or
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, or
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 even spending
time
Use synonyms
 at home
in
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on
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 social media. I have faced
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 issue when going to the gym, which distracted me from the main goal of improving health and achieving
dream
Correct article usage
a dream
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 physique. It is especially hard for the youngsters who tend to occupy their
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
with
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 apps
such
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 as TikTok or Instagram with unlimited content. I completely support the need
of having
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for
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 limits on social media in order not to be connected to the device all the
time
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.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, some
time
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 ago
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 many countries, including
USSR
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the USSR
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,
USA
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the USA
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, and
Jugoslavia
Correct your spelling
Yugoslavia
,
was
Correct pronoun usage
there was
show examples
 a
state level
Correct your spelling
state-level
 trend of being physically fit and maintaining
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
by
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through
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 regular
sport
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sports
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 activities. But governments don't have traditions of doing stretching in the mornings and full body
trainings
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training
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 throughout the week. I recall
,
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apply
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 that in the kindergarten it was really simple to have a stable schedule for morning sessions, because it was mandatory and was done in groups, which gave the
filling
Use the right word
feeling
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 of being a part of something bigger,
tham
Correct your spelling
than
 just own motivation. My personal experience shows that people need to have company to do it at a constant pace, because they feel the responsibility for being a part of a team.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, nowadays it becomes harder to do regular
trainings
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training
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due to
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 external effects on the person
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 cause distraction and decrease motivation
of going
Wrong verb form
to go
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 to a gym, park, or do
sport
Check wording
sports
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 at home.

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task response
Answer both parts of the question more fully. You explain why people do not exercise, but your ways to solve the problem are not clear enough. Add direct actions, for example: schools can run daily sport groups, cities can offer free parks and classes, and people can make plans with friends.
task response
Explain why this issue is a problem. Say that little exercise can lead to poor health, stress, weight gain, and higher health costs. Then link each solution to one of these problems.
task response
Keep your ideas close to the question. The part about old state trends is not fully clear. Make it more direct: group exercise and set daily plans can help people keep going.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part follow one simple plan: main idea, reason, example, and result. This will make your points easier to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example, write: “This is a problem because…”, “One way to deal with this is…”, and “As a result…”.
coherence and cohesion
The ending should sum up both the problem and the solutions. Your ending repeats the causes, but it does not restate what people, schools, or governments can do.
task response
You give clear main reasons, such as free time being taken by social media and the need for group support. Your gym and kindergarten examples make the ideas more real.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Words such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, and “To conclude” help the reader follow your writing.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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