IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays online shopping is extremely popular. Discuss the impact of it on the environment and on people who lost their jobs because of it.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Online shopping is very important in
Linking Words
last
Correct word choice
recent
show examples
 years. It is
also
Linking Words
 widespread around the world. There are many websites that show products in internet.
This
Linking Words
 phemenon have effcted on the environment and
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss the positive and negative
affects
Use the right word
effects
show examples
 of online shopping.
Body paragraph 1
Online shopping has
ingatively
Correct your spelling
negatively
 impacted the environment. It has counteributed on air and earth
poulltion
Correct your spelling
pollution
. It
rises
Verb problem
raises
show examples
 the
leve
Correct your spelling
level
 of harmful gases
such
Linking Words
 as carbon
dioxed
Correct your spelling
dioxide
, carbon oxide and sulfur
oxide
Check wording
oxides
show examples
. These gases come from
transportion
Correct your spelling
transportation
 and traffic congestion. In
addtion
Correct your spelling
addition
,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 increases the number of solid wastes
such
Linking Words
 as plastic and
cartton
Correct your spelling
carton
.
these
Capitalize the word
These
show examples
 products need them to save shipments .
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 devlopment tecchnolongy on oline shopping has reduced the number of cars and
priavet vichels
Correct your spelling
private vehicles
, because online shopping allows to drive many
shippings
Correct your spelling
shipments
 in one
trasportation
Correct your spelling
transportation
.
This
Linking Words
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 to
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 the
fule constiomtion
Correct your spelling
fuel consumption
 by
priavet vichels
Correct your spelling
private vehicles
.
Body paragraph 3
Online shopping has
ingatively
Correct your spelling
negatively
 impacted
people
Use synonyms
. It has
counteributed
Correct your spelling
contributed
 to
lose
Wrong verb form
losing
show examples
 their
jobs
Use synonyms
 and
works
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 because it provides online stories
instead
Linking Words
 of physical shops or malls. So that , many stories change
thier activites
Correct your spelling
their activities
 from physical to online.
As a result
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 lost their
jobs
Use synonyms
 in these places
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
accounter
Correct your spelling
accountants
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and
retailer
Check wording
retailers
show examples
.
Body paragraph 4
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 devlopment tecchnolongy on oline shopping has created many opperteneties of
jobs
Use synonyms
 and
works
Check wording
work
show examples
,
that are
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 require to devlope tochological skills and personal skills.
Body paragraph 5
because online shopping deals with different types of issues that
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
need spicail sillks on technonlgical and
custemrs
Correct your spelling
customers
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, online shopping has
negtively
Correct your spelling
negatively
 and positively impacted the environment and
people
Use synonyms
. It increases the solid
wates
Correct your spelling
wastes
and harmful gases
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
It decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
it decreases
show examples
 the
fule consumtion
Correct your spelling
fuel consumption
 by
priavet vichels
Correct your spelling
private vehicles
.
In addition
Linking Words
, It decrease the number of
jobs
Use synonyms
 for many
people
Use synonyms
 but it
creats
Correct your spelling
creates
 the
differten
Correct your spelling
different
 types of
jobs
Use synonyms
 with different skills.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Explain each main idea more fully. For example, say why online orders can make more traffic: each order may need a car or van to take it to one home. Then explain how this affects the air.
task response
Give one clear real-life example for each part. You could write about a local shop worker who loses work, or about many boxes and plastic bags from home delivery.
task response
Be more careful with the good point about fewer cars. Online shopping may reduce some car trips, but delivery vans can also add to traffic. Show both sides clearly before you give your view.
coherence and cohesion
Make one main point in each paragraph. Start with a clear topic sentence, explain it, and then give an example. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are repeated or not complete, such as the last short paragraph. Join these ideas to the paragraph before it and explain what new jobs are made, for example delivery work, web work, and customer help.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. For example: “On the one hand”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “On the other hand”. Do not begin too many sentences with “It” or “This development technology”.
task response
You answer both parts of the topic: the effect on the environment and the effect on jobs. You also show both good and bad sides.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant. For example, you write about gas from transport, waste from packages, job loss in shops, and new work in online business.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, body paragraphs, and an ending. Words such as “However”, “In addition”, and “As a result” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • online shopping
  • home delivery
  • air pollution
  • packaging waste
  • paper and plastic
  • traffic jam
  • local shop
  • lose their jobs
  • store closure
  • delivery driver
  • warehouse worker
  • customer service
  • return items
  • cut down on
  • take time to adapt
  • learn new skills
What to do next:
Look at other essays: