IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that educational success depends on good teachers, while others believe that students attitude is important. Discuss both views and give you’re opinion.

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Introduction
It is often considered that
individual’s
Correct article usage
an individual’s
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 academic growth is in teachers’ hand,
whereas
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 many believe that
student’s
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a student’s
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 behaviour towards studies
have
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has
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 paramount importance. From my perspective, both of them have to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their responsibilities with utmost professionalism.
Body paragraph 1
On the one side, teaching staff plays
vital
Correct article usage
a vital
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 role in
educational
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the educational
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 system, in
broader
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a broader
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perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
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 they are the backbone of
societys
Correct your spelling
society's
 growth . Professionalism and efficiency of instructors are on
arise
Replace the word
the rise
 with all modern technological gadgets. Knowledge
in
Verb problem
is
show examples
 not about reading words from books,
its understanding
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it
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 primarily
depend
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depends
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 on how
its
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it's
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 conveyed to seekers
, competent
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. Competent
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 instructors understand complex ideas from study materials and pass
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
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 on to learners with simple explaining techniques.
For instance
Linking Words
, students who take admission in universities and go through
conventional
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the conventional
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 process of
in class
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in-class
 learning from
professor
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professors
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 get higher grades
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to self-studying candidates.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, scholars’ attitude and thrust of knowledge gaining can never be overlooked.
Body paragraph 3
Competent students maintain discipline and focus in class
which
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, which
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 helps them to clear their concepts,
they
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and they
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 ask questions and correct themselves. Learning is more than just spending
few
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a few
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 hours daily in
institute
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the institute
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, it is
kind of
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a
show examples
 full-time responsibility,
significant
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a significant
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 amount of learning happens outside of the
class room
Correct your spelling
classroom
, which
consequently
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 helps
the
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to achieve top grades. Students have to develop their
skills
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skill
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 set by using
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
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 technologies as well.
Conclusion
In conclusion, teaching staff
specially
Rephrase
specifically
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 and
educational
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the educational
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 system in general,
plays
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play
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 a pivotal role in
new generations future building
Correct word order
the future building of new generations
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. But educators have
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
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 obligation
work
Verb problem
to work
show examples
 hard and be persistent in their educational endeavours, which
consequently
Linking Words
 leads to successfull society.

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task response
Make your opinion more exact in the opening and ending. Say if teachers and students are equally important, or say which one matters more and why.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason and a real or clear example. For teachers, explain how a good teacher can change a weak student’s learning. For students, explain how hard work can help even when teaching is not very good.
task response
Some points are too broad, such as technology and society. Keep the focus on school success. This will make your answer more direct.
task response
The example about university students needs more care. It says class students get higher grades than self-study students, but it does not clearly prove that teacher skill is the reason.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer topic sentence at the start of each body part. For example: “Good teachers can help students understand hard ideas.” Then explain this idea step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas inside paragraphs more clearly. Use simple words such as “because”, “so”, “for example”, “however”, and “as a result” to show how one idea leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph has an unclear change from teachers to “educators”. Check that the words match your meaning. You seem to mean students must work hard, not educators.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very short paragraphs, such as the first part of the student view. Join it to the next paragraph so that the full idea is in one well-built body paragraph.
task response
You discuss both sides: the role of teachers and the role of students. Your own view is clear: both must do their part.
task response
You give a useful example about class learning and self-study. This helps show why good teaching can matter.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear opening, two main body parts, and a closing. Phrases such as “On the one side” and “On the other hand” help the reader follow the two views.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part stays mainly on one idea, so the reader can see the main plan of the essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • educational success
  • qualified teachers
  • effective teaching methods
  • clear explanations
  • individual learning needs
  • constructive feedback
  • positive learning environment
  • student motivation
  • positive attitude
  • self-discipline
  • active participation
  • regular revision
  • complete assignments
  • academic progress
  • take responsibility for learning
  • learn from mistakes
  • long-term achievement
  • teacher guidance
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