IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people say that the main enviromental problem of our time is the loss of partivcular species of plants and animlas. others say that there are more important enviromental problmes discuss both these views and give your opinion

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Introduction
It is
with no
Change preposition
without a
show examples
 doubt that every species
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
Linking Words
 earth has a role in the circle of
life
Use synonyms
weather
Punctuation problem
, weather
show examples
 its a specific plant or animal.
Body paragraph 1
There's
Correct subject-verb agreement
There are
show examples
also
Linking Words
 other
inviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 problems that are argued to be affecting our universe.
Body paragraph 2
Firstly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
life
Use synonyms
 was created to be balanced, the loss of plants
ant
Use the right word
and
show examples
 trees
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 will affect the weather and the
oxigyn
Correct your spelling
oxygen
 levels in the air,
therefore
Linking Words
 humans will lack basic needs for
survival
Punctuation problem
survival,
show examples
 "air quality".
Body paragraph 3
A lot of environment activist are trying to warn people from the dangers of cutting trees and pollution that follows the act of doing so, some people argue that these are
nesasitys
Correct your spelling
necessities
 to build homes and use
papers
Check wording
paper
show examples
 for our daily tasks, work and study.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
there's
Correct subject-verb agreement
there are
show examples
 alternatives to that by shifting to digital and building homes from alternatives to wood.
Body paragraph 4
Also
Linking Words
 the high demand on meet and animal products could
also
Linking Words
 affect on the inviromant by not only using the place for these animals to be slauterd but
also
Linking Words
 to use lots of electricity and water on huge land,
not to mention
Linking Words
 that to feed a our intire population one chicken burger a day it will cost a lot of water, electricity and resources that will be affecting nature and creating an imbalance in the cycle of
life
Use synonyms
Body paragraph 5
Secondly
Linking Words
 it is important to mention that there is many environmental isssue that we as nation need to tackle and focus on before it's too late, we are slowly killing our planet by exceeding the resources in it, the surge and the high demand on plastic
that is
Linking Words
 generally used once and discarded in our oceans creating deaths of a lot of sea creatures and corals, the fast fashion and the use of water not for drinking and for basic needs but to excesories and show off
also
Linking Words
 is creating huge inviromental issues.
Conclusion
In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 the main environmental problem in our
life
Use synonyms
 is ignorance
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 if we don't open our eyes
soon
Punctuation problem
soon,
show examples
 we will lose the one place that we call home .

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task response
Make both views more equal. Explain more clearly why some people see the loss of species as the main problem, then explain why others see problems such as climate change, plastic waste, and water use as more important.
task response
State your own view in the opening and repeat it in the end. For example: “I believe that loss of species is serious, but climate change and pollution are more urgent because they cause many other problems.”
task response
Develop each main idea with a simple chain: cause, result, and example. For instance, cutting forests lowers air quality, changes weather, and removes homes for animals.
task response
Be careful with claims that are too broad, such as saying all species have one role or that one food item will feed all people. Use clear, realistic examples instead.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each paragraph. The first body paragraph can be about species loss. The second can be about other problems. This will make the answer easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long and hold many ideas. Split them into shorter sentences. This will make the links between ideas clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more exact way. Try: “For example”, “As a result”, “However”, “In contrast”, and “Therefore”. Do not use “Also” too many times.
coherence and cohesion
The opening is too short and does not fully show the plan of the essay. Add one sentence that says you will discuss both views and give your own view.
task response
You give a clear view: the loss of plants and animals matters, but plastic, waste, and overuse of water and power are also very serious.
task response
You use real examples, such as cutting trees, meat use, plastic in the sea, and fast fashion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an opening, main parts, and a clear ending. Words such as “Firstly”, “Also”, “Secondly”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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