IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people argue that universities should focus primarily on specific vocational training and practical skills for the workplace, rather than teaching a broad range of traditional academic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Whether
universities
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 should prioritise vocational training and practical
skills
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 over traditional academic subjects has become a topic of debate.
While
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 some people believe that practical
skills
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 are more valuable because they prepare
students
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 for the
workplace
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, I disagree with the idea that
universities
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 should focus primarily on them. In my view, a balanced approach is more beneficial because
students
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 need both practical abilities and academic
knowledge
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.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are strong arguments for giving greater importance to practical
skills
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 at university. Modern employers often expect graduates to have job-specific
knowledge
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 that can be applied immediately in the
workplace
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.
For example
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, an accounting graduate may need to know how to use accounting software, prepare financial reports and follow relevant financial procedures. These practical
skills
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 can help graduates adapt to their jobs more quickly and reduce the amount of
workplace
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 training required.
Therefore
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, vocational education can play an important role in improving
students
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' employability.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, traditional academic subjects should not be overlooked because they develop a range of transferable
skills
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. Studying subjects
such
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 as history, literature and the arts can improve
students
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' critical thinking, research and communication abilities.
For instance
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, a history student learns to examine evidence, evaluate different perspectives and construct logical arguments. These abilities can be useful in a wide variety of careers, even when the job itself is unrelated to history.
Furthermore
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, exposure to different academic fields can help young people discover their interests and make better-informed career choices.
Body paragraph 3
In my opinion,
universities
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 should combine practical training with traditional academic education rather than prioritising one at the expense of the other. Practical
skills
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 can prepare
students
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 for immediate employment,
while
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 academic
knowledge
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 can help them develop the critical thinking and adaptability required throughout their careers.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 vocational training is highly valuable in preparing graduates for the modern
workplace
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,
universities
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 should not focus primarily on practical
skills
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. A combination of academic
knowledge
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 and
workplace
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-oriented training is the most effective way to prepare
students
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 for both employment and long-term professional development.

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task response
Make your main view a little stronger. You say that a balanced way is best, but you could state more clearly why universities should not put work training first. For example, say that jobs and work tools can change, so students also need broad knowledge for later in life.
task response
Add one more real or clear example to make the last main point stronger. You could show how a person with both work skills and academic skills can deal with a new problem at work.
task response
The point about students finding their interests is good, but explain it one step more. Show how this can lead to a better job choice and less risk of changing course later.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas are easy to follow, but the essay could flow even better if the final body paragraph gave a short link back to both earlier paragraphs before giving your view.
coherence and cohesion
Try not to repeat “practical skills” and “academic knowledge” too often. Use simple other forms such as “work skills”, “study in class”, “these skills”, or “this kind of learning” where the meaning is clear.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion repeats the main idea well. You could make it more direct by naming the two main reasons again: help with first jobs and help with change over time.
task response
Your view is clear from the start: you support a mix of work skills and academic study. You answer all parts of the question and keep this view through the essay.
task response
Your examples are clear and fit your main points. The accounting and history examples show how each kind of study can help students.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, one paragraph for work skills, one for academic study, your view, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “Furthermore” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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