IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

Creative artists should always be given freedom to express their own ideas (in words, pictures, music or film) in whichever way they wish. There should be no government restrictions on what they do. To what extent do you agree or disagree on this IELTS topic?

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Introduction
Some people argue that artistic expression, in any form, should be free of
governments
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government
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 restrictions. I completely agree with the statement, because I believe governments should not limit any kind of artistic expression.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, creativity can not be
bounded
Wrong verb form
bound
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 by any kind of restriction. Even if there were governments controlling the art production and limiting artistic expression, artists would find a way around it. It is enough to think about the
fascism
Replace the word
fascist
 time: even if the fascist government tried to abolish freedom of
expressions
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expression
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, burning books and establishing new laws, artists still found a way to produce art. Many writers, painters and and singer produced art during
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fascism, with the precise scope od denuncing the government itself.
Conclusion
Moreover
Linking Words
,

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task response
The response stops after “Moreover,”, so it does not fully answer the question. Add at least one more full main point and a short ending that repeats your view.
task response
Explain why freedom in art is good for people and for society. For example, art can help people share new ideas, speak about unfair acts, and see life in a new way.
task response
Your fascism example needs more detail. Say how artists used books, pictures, music, or films to show their views when open speech was not free.
task response
To make your view stronger, deal with the other side. You can say that the state may need laws for direct harm, but it should not stop art only because it dislikes the idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use a full essay plan: an opening, two body paragraphs, and an ending. At the moment, the second body paragraph has not been written.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph follow a simple order: main idea, explanation, example, and link back to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “First of all” is fine, but “Moreover” must be followed by a clear new point. You could use “For this reason”, “For example”, and “However” to show the link between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence links and word form. For example, write “government restrictions”, “freedom of expression”, “during fascism”, “writers, painters and singers”, and “the aim of speaking out against the government”.
task response
Your main view is very clear: you agree that the state should not limit art.
task response
The example of art under fascism is relevant and helps show your point.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear signposts such as “First of all” and “Moreover” to guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
The first body paragraph has one main idea and stays on that idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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