IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

For the past year you have been a member of a local club. Now you want to end your membership. Write a letter to the club secretary. In your letter: state what type of membership you have and how you have paid for this give details of how you have benefited from the club explain why you want to leave

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Dear Sir, I hope
this
Linking Words
 letter finds you well. I am writing to inform you that I have decided to terminate my membership as I am relocating to my home country. My name is Sam, and I
am
Wrong verb form
have been
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 a prime member of your Fitness club for the
last
Linking Words
 two years. Through your online website, I paid for the prime membership using my credit card, and I have been on a monthly subscription. Before
joing
Correct your spelling
joining
 your club, I was suffering from obesity, but your trainers inspired
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and encouraged me to work out daily. Surprisingly, I lost around 20 kg within a few months. Apart from that, I have my own private locker, special discounts on drinks, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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unlimited access to the swimming area.
Also
Linking Words
, the morning yoga sessions really helped me to relax mentally and physically. Actually, my younger brother has opened a new restaurant in a city, and he wants my help to handle the recruitment process
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and other responsibilities.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I am unable to continue these services
further
Linking Words
. I kindly request
you
Correct word choice
that you
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to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
cancel my membership and stop
further
Linking Words
payment
Check wording
payments
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. I would be really grateful to you. Yours faithfully, Sam.

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task response
Answer all parts with clear detail. Say the club name and ask when the last payment will be taken. You can also ask for a short note to show that your membership has ended.
task response
Keep the reason for leaving clear: you are going home to help your brother with his new restaurant. “Continue my membership” is more natural than “continue these services.”
coherence and cohesion
The letter has a clear order. Make the link between ideas smoother by using a few simple words such as “Also”, “As a result”, and “For this reason” only when needed.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph on one main point. The benefits paragraph is clear, but the list can be made easier to read by putting the main health result first and the extra club benefits after it.
task response
You clearly state your type of membership, how you pay, how the club helped you, and why you want to leave.
task response
The details about losing weight, yoga, the locker, and the pool make the letter real and useful.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a good start, clear body paragraphs, and a polite ending.
coherence and cohesion
The reason for leaving comes near the end, so the reader can follow the letter easily.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • annual membership
  • full membership
  • membership fee
  • one-off payment
  • bank transfer
  • credit card payment
  • renew my membership
  • cancel my membership
  • club facilities
  • organised activities
  • social events
  • friendly atmosphere
  • meet like-minded people
  • improve my fitness
  • make new friends
  • busy work schedule
  • relocate to another area
  • financial commitments
  • written confirmation
  • appreciate your assistance
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