Many people nowadays spend a large amount of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
A substantial amount of leisure
time
Use synonyms
is currently spent on smartphones by a large part of the population.
This
Linking Words
may be caused by the large amounts of
personalized
Change the spelling
personalised
show examples
content available and the everyday convenience brought on by mobile devices.
Body paragraph 1
One widely held view is that
this
Linking Words
may be
due to
Linking Words
the fact that streaming platforms offer infinite libraries of videos tailored to individual tastes. A multitude of apps,
such
Linking Words
as TikTok, YouTube, and Instagram, use
hyper-personalized
Change the spelling
hyper-personalised
show examples
recommendation algorithms to
analyze
Change the spelling
analyse
show examples
user
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
in real
time
Use synonyms
,
thus
Linking Words
providing fresh and engaging media that keeps the individual hooked.
Body paragraph 2
Another possible reason for the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
mobile phone usage is the ability to do basic daily tasks digitally. Nowadays, people tend to rely on their smartphones for online shopping, mobile banking
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
even scheduling.
This
Linking Words
is because the whole process of doing
such
Linking Words
activities is simplified, so there is no need to wait in line.
Body paragraph 3
In my
view
Punctuation problem
view,
show examples
this
Linking Words
development of having prolonged exposure to screens is negative.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is generally believed that people who spend excessive
time
Use synonyms
online frequently struggle to engage in real-life communication.
This
Linking Words
is primarily because virtual interaction relies heavily on text and curated content, so individuals lack practice with spontaneous speech.
In addition
Linking Words
, I take the view that a significant number of people seem to lose their identity
while
Linking Words
trying to mirror digital
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. Presently, there are countless social media influencers who display
idealized
Change the spelling
idealised
show examples
lifestyles, which prompts their fans to blindly imitate them rather than embrace their authentic selves.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe that
while
Linking Words
smartphones provide unprecedented convenience and
customized
Change the spelling
customised
show examples
media, excessive screen
time
Use synonyms
remains a negative development. The resulting decline in real-world communication and the loss of individual authenticity clearly demonstrate that
this
Linking Words
is an unwelcome shift in modern society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Explain the reasons a little more deeply. For example, say why people choose phone tasks in their free time, not only why phones make tasks easy.
task response
Make the negative side more balanced by noting that phone use is not always harmful. Then explain why too much use is the real problem.
task response
Your point about people losing their identity is interesting, but it needs a more direct link to phone use. Show how long time on social media can change what people think or do.
coherence and cohesion
Use a few simpler link words. Some long sentences have many ideas, so split them into shorter sentences for a clearer flow.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating phrases such as "This is because" and "In my view." Try other simple ways to link ideas, such as "As a result," "For this reason," or "Also."
coherence and cohesion
The final paragraph is clear, but it mostly repeats earlier points. Add one short final thought, such as the need to limit screen time, to make the ending stronger.
task response
You answer both parts of the question. You give clear reasons for phone use and clearly say that this is a negative change.
task response
Your examples are useful and clear. TikTok, YouTube, Instagram, online shopping, and mobile banking help show your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, two reasons, your view, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one main idea, and the links between ideas are easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: