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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people nowadays spend a large amount of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
A substantial amount of leisure
time
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 is currently spent on smartphones by a large part of the population.
This
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 may be caused by the large amounts of
personalized
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personalised
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 content available and the everyday convenience brought on by mobile devices.
Body paragraph 1
One widely held view is that
this
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 may be
due to
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 the fact that streaming platforms offer infinite libraries of videos tailored to individual tastes. A multitude of apps,
such
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 as TikTok, YouTube, and Instagram, use
hyper-personalized
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hyper-personalised
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 recommendation algorithms to
analyze
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analyse
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 user
behavior
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behaviour
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 in real
time
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,
thus
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 providing fresh and engaging media that keeps the individual hooked.
Body paragraph 2
Another possible reason for the increase
of
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in
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 mobile phone usage is the ability to do basic daily tasks digitally. Nowadays, people tend to rely on their smartphones for online shopping, mobile banking
and
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, and
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 even scheduling.
This
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 is because the whole process of doing
such
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 activities is simplified, so there is no need to wait in line.
Body paragraph 3
In my
view
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view,
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this
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 development of having prolonged exposure to screens is negative.
Firstly
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, it is generally believed that people who spend excessive
time
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 online frequently struggle to engage in real-life communication.
This
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 is primarily because virtual interaction relies heavily on text and curated content, so individuals lack practice with spontaneous speech.
In addition
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, I take the view that a significant number of people seem to lose their identity
while
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 trying to mirror digital
behavior
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behaviour
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. Presently, there are countless social media influencers who display
idealized
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idealised
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 lifestyles, which prompts their fans to blindly imitate them rather than embrace their authentic selves.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, I believe that
while
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 smartphones provide unprecedented convenience and
customized
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customised
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 media, excessive screen
time
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 remains a negative development. The resulting decline in real-world communication and the loss of individual authenticity clearly demonstrate that
this
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 is an unwelcome shift in modern society.

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task response
Explain the first reason in a more direct way. The point about apps is clear, but add one short result, such as people may keep watching because the next video is always ready.
task response
Make your view of the positive side a little fairer before you give the negative side. For example, say that phones save time and help people stay in touch, but too much use can cause harm.
task response
Develop the point about people copying online stars with one more clear detail. Explain how this can affect how they feel about their own life or looks.
coherence and cohesion
Use fewer long sentences. Some ideas are packed into one sentence, so split them to make the meaning easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating broad words such as “people”, “individuals”, and “development” too often. Use simple changes like “users”, “young adults”, or “this trend” where it fits.
coherence and cohesion
The last body paragraph has two negative effects. Give each effect its own short paragraph, or use a stronger link between them, so the paragraph feels more balanced.
task response
You answer both parts of the question clearly. You give two reasons for phone use and state a clear negative view.
task response
Your examples are useful and fit your ideas, such as TikTok, YouTube, Instagram, online shopping, and mobile banking.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, two reason paragraphs, your opinion, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as “Firstly”, “In addition”, and “To conclude” help the reader follow your points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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