IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

All The internet allows us to stay connected each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. To what extend do you agree or disagree with these statements?

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Introduction
The
Internet
Use synonyms
 has become a highly debatable topic, as some
people
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 argue that it helps
people
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 to stay connected with each other,
whereas
Linking Words
 others believe that it reduces their outdoor participation. I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. I personally believe that the
Internet
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 has simplified communication, allowing loved ones to stay in touch regardless of
distances
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distance
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.
Body paragraph 1
Undoubtedly,
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Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 plays a crucial role in improving communication.
People
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 who live far away can easily connect with their families
,
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apply
show examples
 and friends through social media, video calls, and instant messaging applications.
For example
Linking Words
, migrants who move abroad for work
,
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apply
show examples
 can easily communicate with their
back
Correct word choice
home
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 country without spending extra money on international calls.
Moreover
Linking Words
, live streams of wedding and birthday celebrations help them to share every detail of the event, which automatically strengthens their emotional connection.
Therefore
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, the
internet
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 has made long-distance
more
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travel more
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 convenient and effective.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, excessive use of the
internet
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 has led
people
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 to spend more time indoors.
Individuals
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, especially
teenagers
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teenagers,
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 prefer scrolling their mobile screens over social interaction.
This
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 not only reduces their interest in playing outdoor activities but
also
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 encourages them to connect
strangers
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with strangers
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 on social media platforms. These children blindly trust these scammers
,
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apply
show examples
 and share their personal data without meeting them personally. Apart from that,
individuals
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 have increased their dependency on
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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, which leads to stress
,
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apply
show examples
 and limits their social interaction.
Hence
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, the
internet
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 has negatively impacted the
overall
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 well-being of
individuals
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 the
Internet
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 has made communication easier and helped
people
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 stay connected across long distances, it has
also
Linking Words
 encouraged a more inactive lifestyle.
Therefore
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, I partly agree with the statement, and I believe
individuals
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 should use the
Internet
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 wisely to maintain a balance between online and outdoor activities.

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task response
Make your main view more exact. You say you partly agree, but say how far you agree in a more direct way. For example: “I agree that the Internet can both bring people close and make them less social, but this depends on how people use it.”
task response
Build the second main point more fully. The part about scammers is more about online safety than being isolated. Add a clear example of people choosing phones over face-to-face time with family or friends.
task response
Explain the link between each point and the question. After saying people stay indoors, show how this can lead to fewer real talks, fewer group events, and weaker social ties.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one idea. In the second body paragraph, move from less outdoor time to strangers and scams. This feels less smooth. Stay with the idea of less real social contact, or make a clear link before changing topic.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences. For example: “On the other hand, heavy Internet use can reduce face-to-face social life.” This tells the reader exactly what the paragraph will show.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “Internet” too often. Use simple other words such as “it”, “online use”, or “this tool” when the meaning is clear.
coherence and cohesion
Check small word links for a smoother flow. Write “the Internet”, “people’s use of the Internet”, and “long-distance communication” rather than “the internet”, “dependency on internet”, and “made long-distance more convenient.”
task response
You give a clear view: the Internet helps people stay close, but too much use can stop real social time. Both sides of the question are covered.
task response
Your example of people who move abroad is clear and on topic. It shows well how video calls and messages can help families stay in touch.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: an opening, one paragraph for each side, and a closing. Each paragraph has one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as “For example”, “Moreover”, “However”, and “Therefore” help the reader follow your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • maintain close relationships
  • long-distance communication
  • instant messaging
  • video calls
  • social media platforms
  • stay in touch
  • face-to-face interaction
  • reduce social contact
  • excessive screen time
  • scroll through social media
  • real-life relationships
  • a sense of isolation
  • body language
  • emotional connection
  • online communities
  • replace rather than support
  • use technology responsibly
  • a balanced approach
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