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Band 6

Art classes, such as painting or drawing, are as important for children’s development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Art
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classes
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,
such
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 as painting and drawing, are important for children's development as other
subjects
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, so they should be compulsory in
schools
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. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Body paragraph 1
The majority of individuals contend that
art
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classes
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 like painting and drawing are as indispensable components as other
subjects
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 for learners' psychological and emotional development;
therefore
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, they demand that these
subjects
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 be compulsory in
schools
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. I completely agree with
this
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 stance since the role of
art
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 is inevitable in fostering a student's personal progress.
Body paragraph 2
Firstly
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, the branches of the arts positively affect adolescents' cognitive growth. Engaging in painting or drawing regularly
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besides
Punctuation problem
, besides
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 obligatory
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subjects
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subjects,
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 offers students an opportunity
for relaxing
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to relax
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 and
clearing
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clear
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 their minds.
For example
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, in exam week, learners who are doing drawing can mitigate stress, which is a good circumstance for their mental health.
As a result
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,
this
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 creative outlet proves highly beneficial for their mental well-being.
Body paragraph 3
Furthermore
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, artistic education is a major determinant of a child's future career, particularly in fields that require special creativity and ability.
In other words
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, drawing teaches children how to understand shapes and spaces.
This
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 assists them in thinking creatively and seeing things from different angles, which is paramount for their future.
For instance
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, professions like architecture, engineering, and design heavily depend on these creative skills. If
schools
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 do not offer
art
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classes
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, students may find it challenging to succeed in these career paths later in life.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, I strongly believe that making
art
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classes
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 mandatory is an advantageous step for the
the
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apply
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next generations. In fact, since painting and drawing not only significantly mitigate academic stress but
also
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 enhance the spatial-visual intelligence required for upcoming careers, physical
schools
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 cannot afford to overlook them.
Therefore
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, integrating these
classes
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 into the core curriculum is essential for achieving holistic student development.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start, and you answer the question fully. To make it stronger, explain why art must be for all students, not only for students who may work in design or building jobs.
task response
Your main ideas are useful: art can lower stress and help with future work. Add one more clear reason, such as helping children share feelings or work with others.
task response
Your examples fit your points, but make them more real and full. For example, say how a short art class during a hard school week can help students feel calm and return to study with more focus.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: opening, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this simple plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has one clear idea and a short example. You can make the links even smoother by using simple words such as “also”, “because”, “for this reason”, and “as a result” only when they show a clear link.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and use hard words, which can make the meaning less clear. Use shorter sentences when giving a key point. For example: “Art helps students relax. This can lower stress during exam time.”
task response
You clearly state that you agree, and this view stays the same in the whole essay.
task response
The points about stress and creative jobs are on topic and help support your view.
coherence and cohesion
Your opening tells the reader what you will say, and your ending brings the main ideas together.
coherence and cohesion
The use of “Firstly”, “Furthermore”, and “To conclude” makes the order of ideas easy to follow.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive skills
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Mental well-being
  • Creativity and innovation
  • Cultural awareness
  • Global citizenship
  • Tolerance
  • Enhanced academic performance
  • Focus
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Mathematical abilities
  • Stress relief
  • Personal development
  • Self-discipline
  • Perseverance
  • Confidence
  • Teamwork
  • Collaboration
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