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Writing Samples
Band 5

Art classes, such as painting or drawing, are as important for children’s development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Art
Use synonyms
 classes,
such
Linking Words
 as painting and drawing, are important for a child's development as other subjects, so they should be compulsory in schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Body paragraph 1
Although
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 there are compelling arguments on both sides of the debate surrounding whether taking
art
Use synonyms
 courses during an academic year in schools is crucial or not for the children’s improvement, I am inclined to believe that training in the field of
art
Use synonyms
 enhances greatly the mental
stableness
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stability
show examples
 and creativity
, primarily
Rephrase
greatly, primarily
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 because it enables students to use their cognitive skills and deep dive into their imagination.
Body paragraph 2
First and foremost, participating in the obligatory
art
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 classes has clear merits. Undeniably, drawing pictures requires notable patience and attention to detail, as pupils, specifically during their formative
years
Punctuation problem
years,
show examples
 tend to expect all their projects to be flawless.
This
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in
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, in
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 turn, in the long
run
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run,
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 may lead to
cope
Wrong verb form
coping
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 with psychological disorders
such
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 as ADHD, given that drawing is universally accepted as a type of therapy used as a means of relaxation.
Additionally
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, paintings provide useful information on the subconscious of the children,
granting
Verb problem
enabling
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 educational psychologists to make
diagnosis
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diagnoses
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 on some kids, when needed.
Body paragraph 3
From an alternative standpoint, there would be no talk of creativity without the existence of
art
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. Since
creative
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the creative
show examples
 industry looks for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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professionals with diverse thinking styles,
adapting
Verb problem
adopting
show examples
this
Linking Words
 habit from childhood opens an infinite career path for individuals, especially
to
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for
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 those who particularly aim to be architects, fashion designers and even work in film production.
This
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 is largely attributed to the extensive use of imagination,
as well as
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 everlastingly searching for
the
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apply
show examples
authentic ideas to illustrate with brushes, pencils, and
variety
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a variety
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 of colours.
Furthermore
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, getting instructed how to paint
,
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apply
show examples
 is a substantial contribution to the culture, thereby projecting customs on the papers by figures and symbols.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 both perspectives may have some validity, I still uphold the idea of educating artistry in schools as a compulsory subject.

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task response
Your view is clear: art should be a must in school. To make the answer stronger, say this even more directly in the first paragraph and keep each body paragraph closely linked to this view.
task response
Develop the main ideas with a clear, real example. For example, explain how a drawing task can help a child focus, or how art skills can help a future designer.
task response
Be careful with big claims. The point that drawing may help with ADHD needs more care. Say that art can help some children feel calm and focus better, rather than saying it can deal with a health problem.
task response
The point about psychologists looking at paintings is interesting, but it is not fully explained. Add why this is useful, or replace it with a more direct school example.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an opening, two main paragraphs, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the two body paragraphs start with simpler topic sentences that clearly show the main point.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are not fully clear. For example, move from patience in drawing to better focus with one short step in between. This will make the logic easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use fewer long sentences with many ideas. Shorter sentences will make your meaning clearer. For example, split the sentence about creative work into two or three sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a natural way. You already use 'First and foremost', 'Additionally', and 'Furthermore'. Also try simple links such as 'For this reason', 'As a result', and 'For example' when they show the exact link.
task response
You answer the question throughout and clearly support the idea that art should be a must in schools.
task response
Your main points are relevant: art may help children focus and may build creative skills for later work.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because each main paragraph has one main area: personal growth and creative work.
coherence and cohesion
The opening gives your view, and the ending repeats it clearly.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive skills
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Mental well-being
  • Creativity and innovation
  • Cultural awareness
  • Global citizenship
  • Tolerance
  • Enhanced academic performance
  • Focus
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Mathematical abilities
  • Stress relief
  • Personal development
  • Self-discipline
  • Perseverance
  • Confidence
  • Teamwork
  • Collaboration
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