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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Art classes, such as painting or drawing, are as important for children’s development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In the contemporary era, an abundance of lucrative jobs requires imagination and creativity, even in small tasks. In terms of life circumstances, children will encounter challenging situations that require fast decision-making, which
also
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 derives from imagination. I completely agree with
this
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 argument; perhaps obligatory lessons can make a huge difference in the coming years.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, without doubt, every student has their own strengths in one
specialized
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specialised
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 field.
However
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, art classes not only address matters related to one subject but
also
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 influence their lives simultaneously. Drawing sessions substantially show their benefits,
such
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 as relaxation, even if they
last
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 less than an hour, helping students get away from heavy workloads as much as possible
and
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, and
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 unexpectedly improve their willingness.
On the other hand
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, building sculptures and forcing the brain to remember objects and characters' attributes enhances their memory. In the long run,
this
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 trait supports their creativity and outcomes, making them feel they are doing something meaningful.
Body paragraph 2
From a career perspective, these activities enrich their cognitive skills, which are crucial for their work environment.
For instance
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, starting to think independently and boosting their memory are key factors in being aware of real-world problems and learning how to tackle them.
Likewise
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, the contribution of cognitive skills remarkably motivates them to find reasonable solutions and differentiate themselves from their peers in every phase of life and job as well.
Conclusion
In consequence, the benefits of art classes have an unavoidable impact on individuals
irrespective
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, irrespective
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 of their age. Particularly, incorporating compulsory classes in high schools obviously prepares them for various situations.

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Task response
State your main view more directly in the first paragraph. Say that art should be a must in high school because it helps students in school, work, and daily life.
Task response
Explain why art must be a required subject, not only why it is useful. You could compare it with other subjects and say why all students, not just art lovers, should take it.
Task response
Use more clear, real examples. For example, say how drawing can help a student plan a design task, solve a problem, or feel calm after a hard day at school.
Task response
Some ideas are too general. Explain each link step by step: art task, skill built, then help in real life or at work.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. Make the first sentence of each body paragraph show one main point more clearly.
Coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The first body paragraph moves from rest to memory to meaning; these points need clearer links or a more focused plan.
Coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words in a natural way, such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “This means”. Do not use formal links like “In consequence” if a simpler word is clearer.
Coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the words are not clear. For example, replace “unexpectedly improve their willingness” with a clear idea, such as “help them feel more ready to study”.
Task response
You give a clear view that art lessons should be required, and you give reasons linked to creativity, memory, and work.
Task response
Your ideas stay on the topic and show that art can help students beyond making pictures.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear overall shape: an opening, two body paragraphs, and a closing paragraph.
Coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing and some link words to guide the reader through your main points.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive skills
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Mental well-being
  • Creativity and innovation
  • Cultural awareness
  • Global citizenship
  • Tolerance
  • Enhanced academic performance
  • Focus
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Mathematical abilities
  • Stress relief
  • Personal development
  • Self-discipline
  • Perseverance
  • Confidence
  • Teamwork
  • Collaboration
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