IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People behave differently when they wear different clothes. Do you agree that different clothes influence the way people behave? Use specific samples to support your answer

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Introduction
It is often
argue
Wrong verb form
argued
show examples
 that the kind of attire
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
 some role in human
behave
Replace the word
behaviour
,
while
Linking Words
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 believe that comport
people
Use synonyms
Verb problem
behave
show examples
is not linked with
type
Correct article usage
the type
show examples
 of clothing. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 the latter is more reasonable, because in general
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
behave
Replace the word
behaviour
 is related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other factors ,
such
Linking Words
 as personality type,
feels
Replace the word
feelings
, moods and thinking.
Body paragraph 1
Starting with the idea that behave is depend on dress,
for example
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that if a man is wearing
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 elegant suit, he will be more polite,
Linking Words
however
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
he may behave badly in a situation make him feel angry. Additionaly
people
Use synonyms
 show different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
wearing
Replace the word
clothing
 depending
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 occasion, for
instant
Use the right word
instance
show examples
, when someone
feel
Correct subject-verb agreement
feels
show examples
 good early
morning
Change preposition
in the morning
show examples
 could prefer colorfull vestment, but their conduct could change during the day.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, human
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 is strongly linked
by
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 type of personality and customs
,
Punctuation problem
. For
show examples
for example
Linking Words
 introvers or
extrovers
Correct your spelling
extroverts
 have
differents
Replace the word
different
 ways of being
,
Correct word order
. Also,
show examples
also
Linking Words
 the
comport
Correct your spelling
comportment
 not only
does depend
Wrong verb form
depends
show examples
 on values and beliefs, but
also
Linking Words
 depends on cultural aspects.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly agree that
way
Correct article usage
the way
show examples
 of behaving is not influence for clhothes that
persons
Check wording
people
show examples
 are wearing,
therefore
Linking Words
 the
Use synonyms
people behave
Replace the word
people's behaviour
is related on moods, feelings,
beliefs
Correct word choice
and beliefs
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
 my point of
view
Punctuation problem
view,
show examples
 it
idea
Check wording
apply
show examples
is important to avoid
to prejudge
Wrong verb form
prejudging
show examples
 based on appearance.

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task response
State your view in a clear way at the start. Your main idea is that clothes do not control how people act, but the first paragraph spends too much time on the other view.
task response
Give more full examples. For example, show how a person in a suit may still act in a rude way, and explain why this proves that mood or values matter more than clothes.
task response
Answer all parts of the question with care. You can say that clothes may change how people feel in some cases, but they do not change a person's true way of acting.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body paragraph. Put the idea first, then give an example, then explain the example.
coherence and cohesion
Make the links between sentences more clear. Use simple words such as 'for example', 'however', 'because', and 'as a result' only when they show a real link.
coherence and cohesion
Your last paragraph repeats your view, which is good. Make it shorter and more clear by restating the main reason: personality, mood, and beliefs have a stronger effect than clothes.
coherence and cohesion
Check word choice and sentence form, as unclear phrases can make your ideas hard to follow. For example, use 'human behaviour', 'the type of clothing', and 'is not influenced by'.
task response
You give a clear personal view and keep this view through the essay.
task response
Your ideas about mood, feelings, beliefs, and personality are on topic and help support your view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body paragraphs, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use examples about a suit and about clothes for different times or events, which helps the reader understand your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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