IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work? discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Working after school or after completing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university is always a
debaituble
Correct your spelling
debatable
 subject. In my openion completing the
univeristy
Correct your spelling
university
 is the better option.
Body paragraph 1
Now a days
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
, with the
evolving
Replace the word
evolution
 of the technolgies and the
advance
Replace the word
advanced
 industries, it
become
Verb problem
has become
show examples
mandatry
Correct your spelling
mandatory
 to have an educated workforce so
it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
show examples
 can join the work easly.
For instance
Linking Words
, with the complex operation technologies and the automation, it will not be possible or very hard to have a graduate from
teh
Correct your spelling
the
 school to maintain it, as it requires advance knowledg to operate and maintain it.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
, jobs which do not require the univeristies qualifications
, they
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apply
show examples
 are
limmted
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limited
 to some roles in the army and the police, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
show examples
 lower slaries comparing to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
engineering jobs. Advance jobs
,
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apply
show examples
has a
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have
show examples
 better pay,
good
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a good
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 future and more
oppotunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 for growth.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
school's
Correct article usage
a school's
show examples
 graudate will remain
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same level as engineering
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 higher roles require more qualifications.
Conclusion
As a conclusion, always the universities graduate have
a
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apply
show examples
better
oppotunities
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opportunities
 of
emplyment
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employment
, faster growth and
more
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 pay
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
again
strength
Replace the word
strengthens
 my
openion
Correct your spelling
opinion
.

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task response
Discuss both views in a fair way. You explain why university can help, but you do not explain why some people choose work after school. Add a full paragraph about work experience, such as learning skills, earning money, and finding out what job you like.
task response
Make your view clear in the first paragraph and keep it the same. Say that university is often best for jobs like engineering, but starting work can also be good for some people and some kinds of work.
task response
Give more clear and real examples. For example, a school leaver may learn sales or repair work on the job, while an engineer needs university study to use and look after complex systems.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear plan: first discuss starting work after school, then discuss university, and then give your own view. This will make the answer easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because several ideas are put together. Write shorter sentences. For example: “Modern factories use complex machines. Workers need special knowledge to run and fix them.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. “In contrast” should compare two clear ideas. Also avoid repeating words like “better”, “jobs”, and “university” too often; use simple other words such as “this choice”, “these roles”, or “higher study”.
coherence and cohesion
Your last paragraph repeats your view but does not sum up both sides. End by briefly saying what is good about each choice, then state why you prefer university.
task response
You give a clear view that university is the better choice. You also give a work example about machines and automation.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a beginning, main paragraphs, and an ending. Words such as “Furthermore” and “In contrast” help show links between ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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