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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that all zoos should be closed, while others feel that zoos have a positive impact. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Introduction
Most of the individuals argue
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that all the
zoos
Use synonyms
 must be
close
Replace the word
closed
 and others believe that
zoos
Use synonyms
 has a adavantages than
disavantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
. In
opinion
Correct determiner usage
my opinion
show examples
,
zoos
Use synonyms
has a
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 always positive impact on
soceity
Correct your spelling
society
.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, by having
zoos
Use synonyms
 running,
they're
Correct your spelling
there
 are two major
adavanatges
Correct your spelling
advantages
, first one is, all the
animals
Use synonyms
 will get
food
Use synonyms
 on time and
secondlly
Correct your spelling
secondly
, all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age
group people
Check wording
groups
show examples
 can witness all the
animals
Use synonyms
(including wild and very rare ) in live. Most of the
animals
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 are
bring
Wrong verb form
brought
show examples
 from the wild forest or
resecured
Correct your spelling
rescued
 from
wild life
Correct your spelling
wildlife
.
For example
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
animals
Check wording
animal
show examples
 parks are more famous, because of
variety
Correct article usage
the variety
show examples
 of different
spieces
Correct your spelling
species
, and it's one place
,
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apply
show examples
 where people can see all the types
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
brids
Correct your spelling
like birds
, snakes,tigers. So all the parents
willing
Verb problem
are willing
show examples
 to take their children to the animal park to show identity of various
animals
Use synonyms
.
Zoos
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 are taking care of all the
animals
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from
Punctuation problem
, from
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 to
doctor
Correct article usage
a doctor
show examples
 for them.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
zoos
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 or
animals
Use synonyms
 park are saving so many different types of species, and
their
Use the right word
there
show examples
 is
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 generation can see them.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, most of the people
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
 that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
zoos
Use synonyms
 are
hostaging
Verb problem
holding
show examples
 wild
animals
Use synonyms
, and so many employee's killed .
Animals
Use synonyms
 are free living being, and animal parks are caging them against their freedom. In news
channels
Add a comma
channels,
show examples
 we see
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that
tiger
Correct article usage
a tiger
show examples
 killed a man
while
Linking Words
 feeding them. In
addtional
Correct your spelling
addition
, Tigers are
suppose
Wrong verb form
supposed
show examples
 to walk free in the forest, and eat
food
Use synonyms
 by hunting, and here
animals
Use synonyms
 parks
Use synonyms
animals
Punctuation problem
, animals
show examples
 do not hunt for
food
Use synonyms
. At same
in
Check wording
way, in
show examples
zoo
Correct article usage
a zoo
show examples
 cage
Use synonyms
animals
Punctuation problem
, animals
show examples
 can't walk
mush
Use the right word
much
show examples
 either, and so individuals think all these are against their will.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
zoos
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 are doing
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 job by feeding
animals
Use synonyms
 and taking care
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 them. All future
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
 can see all the
speices
Correct your spelling
species
 in
live
Replace the word
life
, only because of
zoo
Correct article usage
the zoo
show examples
. So, by all the reasons i agree with the second statement.

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task response
Make your main view more exact in the first part. Say clearly that you think zoos should stay open, but only if they give animals enough space and good care.
task response
Give a fuller answer to the view against zoos. Explain not only that animals are in cages, but also why this can be bad for their health and way of life.
task response
Develop each main point with one clear reason and one clear example. For example, explain how zoos can save rare animals through care, safe places, and breeding.
task response
Be careful with the claim that all zoo animals get food and care. A better point is that good zoos can give food, care, and help to animals that cannot live safely in the wild.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body part. For example: “There are several reasons why people support zoos.” Then: “However, many people feel that zoos are unfair to wild animals.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many commas. Split them into short sentences so the reader can follow your meaning more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one idea in each sentence. The first body part moves from food, to visitors, to parks, to parents, and then back to animal care. Put these ideas in a more planned order.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words only when they fit. Instead of “In additional”, write “In addition”. Instead of “At same”, write “Also” or “At the same time”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending match your view in the first part. Restate both sides in one short sentence, then give your final view in a direct way.
task response
You discuss both sides and make your own view clear. You say that zoos can help animals, and you also explain that cages can take away their freedom.
task response
You use useful examples, such as children seeing rare animals and a tiger hurting a worker.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. The order of ideas is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In conclusion” to show the change between ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • conservation efforts
  • endangered species
  • breeding programs
  • wildlife reserves
  • animal behavior
  • psychological stress
  • ethical considerations
  • captivity
  • moral questions
  • animal welfare
  • educational resources
  • community engagement
  • economic impact
  • revenue
  • sanctuaries
  • natural habitats
  • virtual reality
  • digital platforms
  • exploitation
  • neglect
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