IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think it is harmful for people to watch advertisements, others think it improves our lives. Discuss both views and give your own.

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Introduction
Most of the individuals argue that seeing
advertisements
Use synonyms
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 risky
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 others say it might improve
day to day
Correct your spelling
day-to-day
 life. I partly agree with the second statement because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
they're
Correct pronoun usage
there are
show examples
 both positives and negatives
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 watching
ads
Use synonyms
, and
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 are more helpful.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
advertisements
Use synonyms
 are more famous in
bilboards
Correct your spelling
billboards
 and
ads
Use synonyms
 in youtube. All the new products or discount
poterate
Correct your spelling
posters
 on bilboards so
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 all the
people
Use synonyms
 can see
while
Linking Words
 driving. Second best way to launch a
product
Use synonyms
through
Verb problem
is through
show examples
ads
Use synonyms
 in youtube between the videos.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 see all car company
ads
Use synonyms
 on
highway
Correct article usage
the highway
show examples
 through
bilboards
Correct your spelling
billboards
 saying zero APR on new pruschase and it will always drive customers into
offline
Correct article usage
the offline
show examples
 store to check the brand new cars. Futhermore,
in youtube
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between each video
thrie
Correct your spelling
there
 will be
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 ad
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some discounts or new products and
this
Linking Words
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
is also
show examples
 one
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 best
to
Check wording
ways to
show examples
 advertise products.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some of the young
people
Use synonyms
 are getting attracted by these
advertisements
Use synonyms
 and buying the
product
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, which they do use. Most of the food companies advertise through mobile apps to get more customers and
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 the
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
. For
examaple
Correct your spelling
example
, ice cream companies
spends
Correct subject-verb agreement
spend
show examples
 a lot of money to
potray
Correct your spelling
portray
 their
product
Use synonyms
 and usually
people
Use synonyms
 get
attract
Wrong verb form
attracted
show examples
 by the
ads
Use synonyms
 in instagram. Start
easting
Correct your spelling
eating
 ice cream more and increasing
sugar
Correct article usage
the sugar
show examples
 percentage in the body. In
additional
Replace the word
addition
, fast food places
follows
Correct subject-verb agreement
follow
show examples
 the same
tatics
Correct your spelling
tactics
 and
people
Use synonyms
eatting
Correct your spelling
eating
 fast food
everyday
Rephrase
every day
show examples
 may get them
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sick.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
advertisements
Use synonyms
 always have both advantages
, disadvantages
Correct word order
and disadvantages,
show examples
 and it's
completly
Correct your spelling
completely
 based on the customer. I personally
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
 that
people
Use synonyms
 need to think about the
product
Use synonyms
 before buying it.

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task response
Make your own view more clear. You say ads help more, but the body part about good ads mainly explains where ads are seen, not how they improve people’s lives.
task response
Add clear good points, such as ads helping people find lower prices, new products, or useful services. Explain each point with one simple example.
task response
The bad side needs a clearer idea. Say that ads can make people buy things they do not need, and then explain the result, such as wasting money or eating too much unhealthy food.
task response
Your car example is useful, but explain why it is good for people. For example, a person may find a car at a lower price and save money.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body paragraph. The first body paragraph should focus on how ads improve life. The second should focus on how ads can cause harm.
coherence and cohesion
Make the order of ideas smoother. Start each paragraph with a direct topic sentence, then give an explanation, then an example, and finally link it back to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the meaning is not complete. Use short, clear sentences. For example: “Advertisements can help people compare prices. As a result, they can choose cheaper products.”
coherence and cohesion
In the ending, restate your view more directly. Say that ads are useful when people think carefully before they buy, but they can be harmful when people buy without need.
task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view in the first paragraph and again in the end.
task response
Your examples about car ads, food ads, and fast food are linked to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear link words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “Furthermore”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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