IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, museum is very important for everyone. Some people believe that museums should focus on entertainment for people, while others argue that their main purpose is education. This essay will discuss both views and give my opinion.

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Introduction
Nowadays,
museum
Correct article usage
a museum
show examples
 is very important for everyone. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
museums
Use synonyms
 should focus on
entertainment
Use synonyms
 for
people
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that their main purpose is education.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views and give my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
There are many reasons why
museums
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
focus on
entertainment
Use synonyms
 for
people
Use synonyms
. Many
people
Use synonyms
 are going to
museums
Use synonyms
 for
travelling purpose
Replace the word
travel purposes
, museum is very good place for
travelling
Replace the word
travel
.
However
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,
museums
Use synonyms
 have many unique elements that
attracts
Correct subject-verb agreement
attract
show examples
 many visitors
for visiting
Wrong verb form
to visit
show examples
.
Museums
Use synonyms
 have many ancient stories, when
people
Use synonyms
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
knew stories
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
museums
Use synonyms
, they feel very well.
Moreover
Linking Words
, often
people
Use synonyms
are going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to
museums
Use synonyms
 with family and friends for travelling.
Museum
Correct article usage
The museum
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 is
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 beautiful
place
Check wording
apply
show examples
and
very
Rephrase
apply
show examples
unique place, so many
people
Use synonyms
are going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to
museums
Use synonyms
 for
entertainment
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.
Body paragraph 2
Museums
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 are
also
Linking Words
 very essential for education,
for example
Linking Words
, students learn many things
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
museums
Use synonyms
.
Museums
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 have many stories, ancient elements,
many
Correct word choice
and many
show examples
 cultural things
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
people
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 are increasing their knowledge by knowing all
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
information
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. It
is help
Wrong verb form
helps
show examples
 to transfer
information
Use synonyms
 to
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 generation.
As a result
Linking Words
,
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 generation
know
Correct subject-verb agreement
knows
show examples
 all
Use synonyms
information
Correct article usage
the information
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
related cultural and others.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, books have
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
 of
information
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 when students see
information
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practical
Change preposition
in a practical
show examples
 way
by
Change preposition
at
show examples
museums
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, it
is help
Wrong verb form
helps
show examples
 to learn
very effective
Rephrase
more effectively
show examples
 and
easy
Replace the word
easily
 for students. There are
number
Correct article usage
a number
show examples
 of
people
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also
Linking Words
 continuing research by
museums
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, because it
is help
Wrong verb form
helps
show examples
 to give important
information
Use synonyms
ancient
Change preposition
about ancient
show examples
 history,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is very important for research.
Conclusion
In conclusion, though
museums
Use synonyms
 are very good places for
entertainment
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 it is very essential for education than
entertainment
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Give clearer reasons for each side. For fun, explain how games, films, or hands-on shows can make people want to visit. For learning, explain how real old things help people understand the past.
task response
Add one real or clear example in each body part. For example, a child may learn about old life by seeing old tools, or a family may enjoy an art show with a guide.
task response
Make your own view stronger. Say that learning should be the main aim, but fun can help more people learn.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main sentence. Then give a reason, an example, and a short result.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat, such as museums being a good place for travel and people going with family. Use that space to explain your points more fully.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “However” should show a clear change, but in the first body part it does not fit well. Try “For example” or “Also” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Keep sentences short and clear. This will make the links between your ideas easier to follow.
task response
You discuss both sides and make your own view clear in the end.
task response
Your main ideas stay on the topic of museums, fun, and learning.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “However”, “Moreover”, “As a result”, and “On the other hand” help show links between ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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