IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that in a city, the best way to travel is by car, while other people argue that bicycles are a better way of travelling in a city. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
There is a debate that the surest way to travel in a town is by
auto
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car
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,
while
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 others believe that bicycles are better than
automobile
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cars
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. I believe that travelling around a place by bike is much better than by
auto
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car
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.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, some people prefer travelling around
a
Correct article usage
apply
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downtown by car because they think vehicles are more convenient and faster.
Firstly
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,
cars
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 cause more detrimental effects on the environment.
This
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 is because most
cars
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 use petrol, which means that
cars
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 emit gases that are harmful to the environment in a
city
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.
Secondly
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,
cars
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 are major contributors to traffic congestion in a
city
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.
Due to
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cars
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, traffic jams are becoming bigger from time to time because of the number of
cars
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 in a
city
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.
Finally
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, if there are more
cars
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, it means there will be more accidents, because a considerable number of
cars
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 may cause inaccuracies on roads.
This
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 results in deaths on roads because of
cars
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
bikes
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 are more beneficial for a town and for its ecology. Riding
bikes
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 to work is more convenient because there are traffic jams on roads, and if you ride a bike to work, you will save a lot of time rather than being stuck in gridlock.
Moreover
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,
bikes
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 are not harmful to the environment because they do not use petrol or fuel, which means they will not emit gas.
Additionally
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, riding
bikes
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 is beneficial for people's lives.
Due to
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bikes
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, individuals can improve their physical and even mental health.
For example
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, if they go to a supermarket by bike, it will be more helpful for their health than driving a car.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that
bikes
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 are more convenient and helpful because they provide a healthy lifestyle and reduce
influx
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traffic
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 in a
city
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.

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task response
You answer both sides and give your own view. However, the first main part should explain why some people choose cars, not mostly why cars are bad. Add ideas such as comfort in bad weather, space for children or bags, and travel over long ways.
task response
Make your view clear from start to end. Your view is that bikes are better, but say that cars can still be useful in some cases. This makes your answer more fair and complete.
task response
Give more clear, real examples. For example, say that a parent may need a car to take young children to school, while a worker who lives near work may save time by bike.
task response
Some ideas need more care. Cars do not cause road mistakes; heavy traffic, poor road rules, and unsafe driving can lead to crashes. Also, a bike is not always faster when the trip is far or the weather is bad.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Keep this shape, but make each main part match its topic sentence more closely.
coherence and cohesion
In the car paragraph, the first sentence says cars are fast and easy, but the rest gives only bad points. Start with reasons for cars, then say why you still prefer bikes in the next part.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas, but do not use too many list words. You can use simple links such as 'For example', 'Also', 'However', and 'As a result' when they show the real link.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last sentence more clear. 'Reduce influx in a city' is not clear. Say 'reduce traffic in the city' or 'reduce the number of cars on the road'.
task response
You discuss cars and bikes, and you clearly say that you prefer bikes.
task response
Your points about air, traffic, and health are on topic and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, two main parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraph breaks and simple link words to guide the reader.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • congestion
  • pollution
  • maintenance
  • eco-friendly
  • infrastructure
  • physical health
  • suitable
  • weather conditions
  • traffic
  • repair costs
  • cycling infrastructure
  • fuel costs
  • carrying heavy loads
  • physical limitations
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