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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that being a university graduate is the key to securing a good job, while others think that experience and soft skills are more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Some
people
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 think that being a university graduate is the key to securing a good
job
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,
while
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 others think
experience
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 and soft
skills
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 are better. In my opinion, I believe that the former is essential for academic jobs,
while
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 the latter are more useful in business and related industries.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, many
people
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 think it is easy
find
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to find
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 good employment with an undergrad degree or above because it puts
people
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 one step ahead of other applicants, and can be the deciding factor between applicants.
Furthermore
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, certain career paths are not open to those without a higher level of education,
such
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 as jobs requiring academic or specialist knowledge, namely teachers, lecturers, doctors and lawyers. Not only that, but academia does promote the development of useful
skills
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, not just academic knowledge,
for
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example
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example,
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 analytical thinking, research
skills
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 and intellectual curiosity, which are valuable transferable
skills
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.
For
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this
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 reason, tertiary education offers an advantage for those aiming for a professional or academic career.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, having relevant work
experience
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 and soft
skills
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 can throw the balance in favour of the
job
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 applicant for certain hands-on types of work.
For instance
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, for a corporate management position, having
experience
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 of managing others, running projects, delegating tasks
and
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, and
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 strong emotional intelligence is of more importance than the theory of management with no real hands-on
experience
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 when fresh out of university.
Also
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, certain industries require interpersonal
skills
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 which can only be developed through extensive
experience
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 with
people
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,
such
Linking Words
 as in customer service, hospitality and sales.
Consequently
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, it can be seen that tertiary education is no advantage at all in some areas.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I think that securing a good
job
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 requires a relevant background specific to the career or
job
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 the applicant is applying for. Some positions will require an academic background, whilst others benefit more from
experience
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 and
skills
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.

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task response
You discuss both views and give a clear view of your own. To make your view even stronger, say more clearly what you mean by a “good job”, such as good pay, job safety, or a chance to grow.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, but some examples could be more full. For example, explain why a doctor needs a degree, or show how work with people helps a sales worker get a job.
task response
The point about jobs that need study is well chosen. Be careful with “teachers”: in some places, teachers may need both a degree and real work skill. A more exact example can make the point stronger.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: an opening, one part for each view, and an end. Each body part stays on one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words, such as “On the one hand”, “Furthermore”, “For instance”, and “Consequently”, guide the reader well. Do not use too many links in one part; make sure each one shows a real link between the ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences hold many ideas. Split a few of them into two shorter sentences, especially the sentence about management work. This will make the writing more direct and easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
In the last part, “no advantage at all” is too strong because a degree can still help in many work areas. Use a softer line, such as “less important” or “not the main need”, so it fits better with your balanced ending.
task response
You answer every part of the question: you explain the value of university study, the value of work experience and people skills, and your own view.
task response
Your view is balanced and clear: study matters more for jobs with special or academic needs, while experience and soft skills matter more in business and service work.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is very clear, and the ending brings both sides together in a sensible way.
coherence and cohesion
Examples such as doctors, lawyers, management, customer service, and sales are related to the main points and help the reader understand your ideas.
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