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Writing Samples
Band 5

ome people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others believe that there are better ways to reduce crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Crime
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 is a serious issue in many societies, and I think there are several reasons why
people
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 commit crimes. One of the main reasons is the environment in which
people
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 grow up.
For example
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, children who grow up in dysfunctional families or difficult communities may be more likely to become involved in
crime
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. Poverty and unemployment can
also
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 encourage some
people
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 to commit crimes because they may struggle to meet their basic needs.
Body paragraph 1
Another important factor is the lack of education and positive opportunities. Young
people
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 who do not have access to good education or employment may feel that they have limited choices in life. In some cases, they may become involved with the wrong
people
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 and develop harmful habits.
Body paragraph 2
In my opinion, punishment alone is not enough to reduce
crime
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. Governments should focus more on rehabilitation, education, and employment opportunities.
For example
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, former offenders could receive training and post-release supervision to help them build a better lifestyle and avoid committing another
crime
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.
Body paragraph 3
Families
also
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 have an important role to play. Parents should monitor their children's behaviour and teach them the difference between right and wrong from an early age.
Conclusion
Overall
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, I believe that
crime
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 can be reduced if governments, families, schools, and communities work together. Prevention and rehabilitation are just as important as punishment because they can help
people
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 change their behaviour and reduce recidivism.

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task response
Answer both parts of the question. Explain why some people want longer time in prison, then explain other ways to cut crime. Your own view is clear, but the first view is missing.
task response
Use the main question, not only the reasons why people do crime. Add ideas such as: longer prison time may stop some people from doing crime, keep dangerous people away, and show that crime has a serious cost.
task response
Give more full examples. For example, explain how job training, school help, or help after prison can stop a person from doing crime again.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are in a clear order: causes of crime, ways to help, then a short ending. This makes the essay easy to read.
coherence and cohesion
Make the plan fit the question more closely. Use one paragraph for longer prison time, one for other ways, and one for your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words to show the two sides clearly: “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “However”, and “In my view”.
coherence and cohesion
The first two paragraphs are both about why crime happens. Join them or make one shorter, so there is more room for the two views in the question.
task response
Your view is clear: you say that help, school, work, and change are as important as punishment.
task response
Your points about poor homes, lack of work, and lack of school are relevant and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main idea, and the ending brings your main view together.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear examples, such as training and help after prison, to connect your ideas to real life.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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