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Band 6

Once children start school, teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development than parents do. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
It is argued that once
children
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 start school, teachers have a greater influence than
parents
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 on
children
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's intellectual and social
development
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.
This
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 essay disagrees with
this
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 view because
parents
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 continue to guide their
children
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's learning and play the most important role in shaping their social behaviour.
Body paragraph 1
Parents
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 still have a strong influence on their
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children’s
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 intellectual
development
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 after they start school. The first thing is that
parents
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 encourage their
children
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 to study, help them with homework, and develop good learning habits at home.
As a result
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,
children
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 are more likely to achieve better academic results.
For example
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, when the child finds mathematics difficult,
parents
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 can spend time explaining lessons, practise exercises together, and encourage the child to keep trying
instead
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 of giving up.
Therefore
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,
parents
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 continue to play an essential role in their
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children’s
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 education.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
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,
parents
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 have a greater impact on
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children’s
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 social
development
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 because they teach values and behaviour through everyday life.
Children
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 spend a lot of time with their families, where they learn how to communicate, respect others, and solve problems politely.
For instance
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, when
children
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 argue with their brothers or sisters,
parents
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 often teach them to apologise, share their belongings, and respect each other’s feelings. These experiences help
children
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 develop good manners and build healthy relationships with other people.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 teachers make an important contribution to
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children’s
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 education and social skills at school, I believe that
parents
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 continue to have the greatest influence on both their intellectual and social
development
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.

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task response
Make your main view even more clear in the first paragraph. Say that you disagree to a large extent, but that teachers still have an important part at school.
task response
Your two main ideas are clear: parents help with learning at home and teach social rules. To make the answer more full, explain why home has a stronger effect than school over many years.
task response
Your examples fit well, but they are quite general. Add one more clear detail, such as a parent reading with a child each night or helping the child deal with a problem with a friend.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part plan: opening, two main paragraphs, and ending. Keep this plan in future work.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of links between ideas. You use “For example”, “Moreover”, “As a result”, and “Therefore” well, but do not use too many result links in one paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first sentence of each main paragraph show the comparison more directly. For example: “Although teachers teach in class, parents have more daily control over study at home.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid small unclear phrases such as “The first thing is that”. Use a direct sentence instead: “Parents can support learning in several ways.”
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same view from the opening to the ending.
task response
The ideas are relevant and well chosen. Homework help and family arguments are useful examples of parent influence.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one clear main idea, followed by an explanation and an example.
coherence and cohesion
The ending clearly restates your view and also accepts that teachers have an important part.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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