IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People in big cities are facing many health challenges due to a high level of air pollution. What causes air pollution in big cities? Can you suggest some ways to deal with this situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Residents in large cities are suffering from various health difficulties
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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due to
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 the extreme levels of
air
Use synonyms
 pollution.
This
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 essay will examine the primary reason
of
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for
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this
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 issue and provide potential methods to
face
Verb problem
address
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this
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 situation.
Body paragraph 1
Initially
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, the majority of big cities are implementing many substantial projects that consume huge amounts of fossil fuels;
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
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 heavily affects the
pureness
Replace the word
purity
 of the
air
Use synonyms
.
In addition
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, factories manufacture millions of commodities every day, which
also
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 pollutes the
air
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 by consuming carbon
footprint
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apply
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.
For instance
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. Thousands of citizens die annually in Texas because of the combination of various oil companies and industrial areas.
Consequently
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, Texas is ranked second globally in unsustainability by the Global Ecological
Organization
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Organisation
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.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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, governments should
interfere
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intervene
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 and impose strict restrictions on the consumption of oil,
such
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 as
giving
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setting
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 a monthly waste limit and forcing the use of renewable energy.
Therefore
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, individuals will
breath
Wrong verb form
breathe
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 purer
air
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.
Moreover
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,
people
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 must reduce their
reliability
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reliance
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 on petrol cars, and
transmit
Verb problem
switch
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 to public transportation services and bicycles, or even electric motors.
This
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 helps cities to become
more healthier and
Correct word order
healthier and more
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 sustainable. A clear example of
this
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 can be seen in the Netherlands, where the majority of
people
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, despite their financial condition, go to work using public buses and bikes.
Moreover
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, governmental incentives persuade a large proportion of businesses and
people
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 to use renewable sources.
Conclusion
In conclusion, factories' excessive
fossil fuels waste
Correct word order
waste of fossil fuels
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and
people
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's use of vehicles
poisons
Correct subject-verb agreement
poison
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 the
air
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. factories should look for better alternatives that
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not harm the quality of the
air
Use synonyms
, and individuals must reduce reliance on petrol motors.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more direct way. Name the main causes clearly: factory smoke, cars, and large building work. Then give clear steps for each cause.
task response
Explain your ideas more fully. For example, say how a limit on oil use would be checked, and why buses, bikes, and electric cars can cut dirty air.
task response
Use examples that are clear and easy to trust. The Texas example is very strong, but the facts are not explained. A simple example about heavy traffic at rush hour may work better.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Make each body part focus on one main point: causes first, then ways to solve the problem.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. You use “Moreover” more than once. Try other simple links, such as “Also”, “For this reason”, “As a result”, and “In contrast”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between sentences smoother. For example, after talking about factories, add that traffic is another major cause before moving to the ways to deal with it.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for key ideas. Use “air pollution” and “fossil fuels” in a clear way. “Consume carbon footprint” is not clear; say that factories burn fuel and send harmful gas into the air.
task response
You deal with both the causes of air pollution and ways to reduce it.
task response
You give real-world examples, including Texas and the Netherlands, to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the conclusion brings the main ideas together.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphs are used well: one part talks about causes and the next part talks about solutions.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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