IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Should both parents share childcare equally. With opinion and examples.

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Introduction
Childcare
Use synonyms
 is one of the crucial responsibilities in our society to enhance people’s awareness about the foundation of our future
to
Punctuation problem
, to
show examples
 increase
efficiency
Correct article usage
the efficiency
show examples
 of communities.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
parents
Use synonyms
 should share that responsibility to ensure their children have the ability to make proper decisions
in
Change preposition
throughout
show examples
 their entire lifetime.
For example
Linking Words
, the father should provide good advice,
such
Linking Words
 as
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
hang
Wrong verb form
hanging
show examples
 out with strangers during school time
to
Punctuation problem
, to
show examples
 help them
recognize
Change the spelling
recognise
show examples
 tricky situations. From my point of view, it needs more effort to provide guidance.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 should share
childcare
Use synonyms
 to develop their children’s behaviour.
For example
Linking Words
, the mother should guide their children through some strict rules,
such
Linking Words
 as keeping quiet,
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 polite, and
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 respectful. From my point of view, it requires a lot of time to manage them.
Body paragraph 3
Moreover
Linking Words
, the authorities should take their precautions to avoid
misleading that happen
Wrong verb form
being misled
show examples
 by some people to provide appropriate circumstances to help
parents
Use synonyms
 cope with sharing
childcare
Use synonyms
Body paragraph 4
Therefore
Linking Words
, the government should provide institutions to help
parents
Use synonyms
 learn easily about how they should share
childcare
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
sharing
childcare
Use synonyms
 between
parents
Use synonyms
 will help address stress and show some respect
between
Change preposition
for
show examples
 each other.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first paragraph. Say if parents should share childcare equally, or if the share can change because of work, time, or family needs.
task response
Keep the main focus on both parents. Your first body part is mostly about the father, and the next is mostly about the mother. Explain how they can work together in each point.
task response
Develop each idea more. For example, say that both parents can take turns with school work, meals, play, and talks about safety. Then explain how this helps the child.
task response
The part about the authorities and institutions is not well linked to your main answer. Remove it, or clearly explain why it is needed.
task response
Use examples that show equal sharing. For example, one parent can take the child to school while the other makes dinner; they can swap these jobs the next day.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, first reason, second reason, conclusion. This will make your view easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph start with one clear main idea. Then add an example and a short result. Do not add a new idea at the end of the paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with clear words such as “First”, “Also”, “For example”, and “As a result”. Use “Moreover” only when the new point is closely linked.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “From my point of view” in body paragraphs. State your view once in the introduction, then support it with reasons.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion match your main view. It should sum up the two reasons and directly answer the question.
task response
You give a clear view that parents should share childcare.
task response
You include examples about safety, good behavior, and rules for children.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraph starters such as “To begin with”, “Furthermore”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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