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Writing Samples
Band 4

Should both parents share childcare equally. With opinion and examples?

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Introduction
Childcare
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 is a crucial responsibility in our society because it helps shape our future and contributes to a well-functioning community.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
parents
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 should share
this
Linking Words
 responsibility to ensure that their
children
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 can make proper decisions throughout their lives.
For example
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, a father should give good advice,
such
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 as telling
children
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 not to hang out with strangers during school hours, to help them recognise difficult situations. From my point of view, sharing
childcare
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 requires both
parents
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 to make an effort to provide guidance.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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,
parents
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 should share
childcare
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 to develop their
children
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’s behaviour.
For example
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, mothers can guide their
children
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 by setting clear rules,
such
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 as keeping quiet, being polite, and being respectful. From my point of view,
this
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 requires a lot of time and effort to manage
children
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 properly.
Body paragraph 3
Moreover
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, authorities should take steps to prevent misleading information and provide appropriate support to help
parents
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 cope with sharing
childcare
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 responsibilities.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the government should provide institutions to help
parents
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 learn how to share
childcare
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 more easily.
Conclusion
In conclusion, sharing
childcare
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 between
parents
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 can reduce stress and encourage respect and support for each other.

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task response
State your view clearly in the first part. For example, say that both parents should share childcare as much as they can.
task response
Explain what “equally” means. It may mean equal time, or a fair share based on work hours, health, and family needs.
task response
Keep the main focus on both parents. The part about the government is not well linked to the question, so make it shorter or remove it.
task response
Give examples that show both parents doing childcare. For example, one parent can make meals and help with school work, while the other can take the child to school and put the child to bed.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear plan: introduce your view, give one main reason in each body part, then end by restating your view.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part focus on one clear idea. Your first two body parts are close in meaning because both discuss guidance and behaviour.
coherence and cohesion
Link each example more closely to its main point. After the example, explain how it shows the value of shared childcare.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “Moreover” starts a new point, but the government point does not follow well from the two points before it.
task response
You give a clear opinion that parents should share childcare.
task response
You include examples about advice, rules, and good behaviour.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, body parts, and a clear ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple links such as “To begin with”, “Furthermore”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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