IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Are shopping centres more important than public parks? At which extend do you agree?

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Introduction
Public
parks
Use synonyms
 and open
spaces
Use synonyms
 are among the most
crucial
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
interesting places that provide
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
visitors
numerous
Change preposition
with numerous
show examples
 facilities,
such
Linking Words
 as clean air, suitable environment .
In addition
Linking Words
. The government should provide all equipments to meet
people’s
Use synonyms
 needs.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, shopping
centres
Use synonyms
 are one of the most important ways to provide all individuals
facilities
Change preposition
with facilities
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as food courts, clothes
centres
Use synonyms
, and
kid
Check wording
kids
show examples
’ zones.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, spending
money
Use synonyms
 on the public
parks
Use synonyms
 and open
spaces
Use synonyms
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
people’s
Use synonyms
 awareness
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 nature.
In other words
Linking Words
, it is significant to make balance between artificial products and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature in
people’s
Use synonyms
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
. From my point of view, that will be
Use synonyms
money consuming
Correct your spelling
money-consuming
 with
minimum
Replace the word
minimal
 results than we need because there are many sophisticated ways to
need
Verb problem
meet
show examples
 our needs.
For example
Linking Words
, malls.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, shopping
centres
Use synonyms
 are more crucial for many reasons as
the following
Replace the word
follows
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 1) provide modern facilities to support our health and meet our needs and
requirements.
Correct your spelling
requirements.
2) to achieve many purposes on same time.
For example
Linking Words
,
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and health care. My point of view
,
Verb problem
is
show examples
 that the authorities should be aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
people’s
Use synonyms
 needs,and their deficiency to increase the efficiency of
individuals life
Check wording
individuals' lives
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.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the authorities must introduce strict regulations to reduce the
money
Use synonyms
 requirement to open public
parks
Use synonyms
 and open
spaces
Use synonyms
 through
campaign
Correct article usage
a campaign
show examples
awareness
Verb problem
to raise awareness
show examples
 about saving
money
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 and
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
show examples
 our city clean.
However
Linking Words
, the shopping
centres
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 take
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 consideration
through
Change preposition
the use of
show examples
 volunteers and
advertisement
Replace the word
advertising
 because of the ability to
rapid
Verb problem
provide rapid
show examples
 services.
Body paragraph 3
Therefore
Linking Words
, everything should take it places to show the diversity of services
of
Change preposition
to meet
show examples
people’s
Use synonyms
 needs. From my point of view, all these should not
free
Verb problem
be free
show examples
 of charge to keep
maintain
Verb problem
apply
show examples
them
as
Rephrase
as long as
show examples
 possible as we can.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the shopping
centres
Use synonyms
 more important over the public
parks
Use synonyms
 and open
spaces
Use synonyms
. So, the authorities should consider
this
Linking Words
 issue
one
Change preposition
as one
show examples
 of the important things in their priorities for
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 life of human
being
Check wording
beings
show examples
.

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task response
State your view clearly in the first paragraph. Say if you agree, disagree, or partly agree, and keep the same view in all body paragraphs.
task response
Give two clear main reasons for your view. For example, shopping centres can give jobs and many daily goods, while parks can improve health and give clean space.
task response
Explain each reason in more detail. Do not only list ideas such as food, clothes, health care, and wellbeing. Show how each point proves that shopping centres are more important.
task response
Use clear, real examples. The word “malls” is too short as an example. You could describe a local centre where people buy food, see a doctor, and spend time with family.
task response
Answer the full question about degree. If you think both are needed, say shopping centres are more important only to some extent, then explain why parks still matter.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, first main idea, second main idea, and conclusion. Keep one main idea in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence. For example: “Shopping centres are more useful for daily life because they offer many services in one place.”
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words used in the right way: “First,” “Also,” “However,” “For example,” and “In conclusion.” Do not use “On the other hand” when you are not giving a true opposite idea.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid number lists such as “1)” and “2)” in an essay. Write full sentences and connect them smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph match your main view. Your conclusion says shopping centres are more important, but earlier parts also say parks are crucial. Make this balance clear.
task response
You discuss both shopping centres and public parks, so your essay stays on the main subject.
task response
You give a clear final view that shopping centres are more important.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words such as “To begin with,” “Furthermore,” “However,” and “Therefore.”
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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