IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Introduction
It is a common
phenomonem
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
 that
people
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 living in the suburbs are moving to the urban area in many countries around the world, leading the population to decline in the countryside, which is most likely caused by social
fators
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factors
 like the uneven distribution of opportunities and resources. I consider that
this
Linking Words
 development will cause negative effect in the future.
Hence
Linking Words
, we ought to take measures to counter
such
Linking Words
 a social trend.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, in terms of the causes of the problem,
people
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 move to urban
area
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areas
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 to pursue more job
oppurtunities
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opportunities
 or better education. I've met many
people
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come
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who come
show examples
 to
cities
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 because their universities or the companies they're working for are in
cities
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.
Then
Linking Words
, it forms a cycle and causes demands and supplies in
labor
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the labour
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 market to be significantly
ahigher
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higher
 than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 suburbs. In result,
people
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 are forced to move to
cities
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 to get job
oppurtunities
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opportunities
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
cities
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 often
own
Verb problem
have
show examples
 convenient transport and comprehensive
ammenities
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amenities
. Capitals and
cities
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 are goverment's first priority when it comes to investment.
Therefore
Linking Words
, urban areas always
own
Verb problem
have
show examples
 more
ammenities
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amenities
 than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural areas, which attracts more
people
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 moving in.
Conclusion
However
Linking Words
, with more and more
people
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 moving to
cities
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, the uneven distribution of wealth and resources will deteriorate, and the countries will face problems like
declining
Correct article usage
a declining
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in
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apply
show examples
birth rate and
aging
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an ageing
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 population. In conclusion, I firmly believe that it is a negative
phenomenom
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phenomenon
 in the long term for the countries.

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task response
State your main view more directly in the first paragraph: moving from the countryside to cities is a negative change. Keep the essay focused on why it is negative, rather than spending much of the first body paragraph on why people move.
task response
Develop each bad result with a clear link. For example, explain how fewer young people in rural areas can leave farms without workers, close local schools and shops, and make life harder for older people.
task response
Your point about low birth rates and an ageing population needs more support. Explain why city life may lead to this, or use stronger effects that come directly from rural decline, such as crowded cities, high house prices, and weak rural services.
task response
Use one or two clear examples. For instance, a young worker may leave a small town for a city job, while the town then has fewer workers for farms and local businesses.
coherence and cohesion
Your overall order is clear: introduction, causes, effects, and conclusion. However, the first body paragraph mainly gives causes, while the question asks for your view on the change. Make the main body paragraphs about the negative effects.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with a clear main idea. For example: 'One major problem is that rural areas lose young workers.' Then explain this idea before moving to the next one.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. 'In result' should be 'As a result'. Also, do not use 'However' before the second body paragraph unless it clearly shows a contrast with the paragraph before it.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear wording such as 'it forms a cycle' and 'the countries will face problems'. Say exactly what happens and where: 'As more firms open in cities, more jobs are offered there, so more rural workers move away.'
task response
You give a clear opinion that this change is negative, and you return to this view in the conclusion.
task response
You identify real reasons for rural-to-city movement, including jobs, education, transport, and public investment.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning and ending, and the ideas are grouped into separate paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
You use several useful linking words, such as 'First of all', 'Furthermore', 'Therefore', and 'In conclusion'.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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