IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that teenagers should receive full-time
education
Use synonyms
 until they reach the age of 18. Personally, I mostly agree with
this
Linking Words
 view.
Body paragraph 1
One argument against
this
Linking Words
 idea is that some
people
Use synonyms
 under the age of 18 need to work to cover their expenses. When families face financial difficulties, young
people
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 may try to work in order to support their parents.
Therefore
Linking Words
, full-time
education
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 may not be suitable for every teenager, particularly those from financially disadvantaged families.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, one important argument in favour of full-time
education
Use synonyms
 is that it provides a strong foundation for students’ future academic lives. Full-time
education
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 allows them to concentrate more effectively on their studies. They can focus on their homework rather than spending excessive time on digital devices.
This
Linking Words
 can contribute significantly to the intellectual and personal development of young
people
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that teenagers should generally receive full-time
education
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 until they reach the age of 18.
However
Linking Words
, exceptions should be made for those who need to work because of serious financial difficulties.

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task response
Make your main view more clear. You mostly agree, but explain how full-time school can still work for young people who need money. For example, the state or schools could give help to poor families.
task response
Develop each main point more. The point about study is good, but the idea about less time on digital devices does not strongly show why full-time school should be required until 18. Add a more direct reason, such as better job chances, basic skills, or more time to choose a future path.
task response
Use one clear, real-life example. For instance, describe a young person who stays in school, gains useful skills, and later gets better work. This will make your ideas more full and clear.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: an opening, one view against, one view for, and an ending. Keep this order, but make the link between your two body parts clearer by saying that the money problem is real but should not mean leaving school for all young people.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with a sentence that clearly states its main idea. Then give a reason, an example, and a short result. This will help each part feel more complete.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as 'however', 'therefore', and 'in conclusion' are used well. You can also use simple links such as 'for this reason', 'as a result', and 'in this case' to show how one idea leads to the next.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear personal view. You also show that there can be an exception for young people with serious money problems.
task response
Your ideas stay close to the topic. The point about poor families needing support is relevant and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because each paragraph has a clear role. The ending repeats your main view and includes the exception.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear signposts, such as 'One argument against this idea', 'However', and 'In conclusion', to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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