IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is often argued that youngsters should be required to remain in full-time
education
Use synonyms
 until they reach the age of 18. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 view, given that prolonged
education
Use synonyms
 not only provides adolescents with a stronger academic foundation
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 helps them to make more informed career decisions for the future.
Body paragraph 1
The first major reason why young people should remain in
education
Use synonyms
 until the age of 18 is that it gives them sufficient time to obtain essential academic and social skills. Subjects,
such
Linking Words
 as mathematics, chemistry and
languages
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languages,
show examples
 provide students with knowledge that may be applied to both career and higher
education
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, those years help them to develop critical thinking, problem-solving and communication skills.
For example
Linking Words
, a pupil who continues studying mathematics and English tends to solve practical problems and express ideas easily.
Therefore
Linking Words
, compulsory
education
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 can substantially improve their academic and professional prospects.
Body paragraph 2
Another compelling argument in favour of
this
Linking Words
 view is that extending
education
Use synonyms
 can prevent learners from making premature career decisions. Teenagers often have limited information about the labour market and have not discovered their own strengths and interests. If they leave school too early, they may accept low-skilled jobs, thereby having several difficulties,
say
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such as
show examples
 not adapting to the working environment or insufficient income.
For example
Linking Words
, in his mid-teens juvenile can work in any unskilled position, but his status and qualifications may remain restricted or limited,
whereas
Linking Words
 two additional years of
education
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 may allow them to explore different subjects and identify a profession that genuinely suits their abilities.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can make exact and well-informed decisions about their future.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, I completely agree that young people should be required to remain in full-time
education
Use synonyms
 until the age of 18.

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task response
Keep your clear opinion from start to end. To make the answer stronger, explain more fully why school study until 18 is better than work or job training for some young people.
task response
Use examples that are more real and exact. The example about maths and English is useful, but show one clear situation in which these skills help a young person.
task response
In the second main part, make the result clearer. Instead of listing many possible problems at work, choose one or two and explain how more school time can help.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, two main parts, and ending. Keep this shape in future writing.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences in the second main part are too long and hard to follow. Split them into shorter sentences, especially the sentence that starts with "For example, in his mid-teens".
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas, but do not repeat the same pattern too often. You can also show links by repeating key words such as "school", "skills", and "future work".
coherence and cohesion
Make word use more steady. For example, use "young people" or "students" throughout, rather than changing to "juvenile".
task response
You answer the question directly and clearly state that you fully agree.
task response
Your two main ideas are relevant: young people gain key skills, and they have more time to choose future work.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part begins with a clear main idea, and the ending repeats your view in a direct way.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as "Furthermore", "For example", and "As a result" help the reader follow the main flow of the essay.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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