IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, there are many academic
fields
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 which
students
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 can choose during higher education. It is said that some of them tend to learn other subjects
besides
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 their main
fields
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,
while
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 others think it is essential for them to focus on their own subject to improve their skill in that
field
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. What I believe is that
students
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 should pay attention to their courses in their
field
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 to develop their theoretical and practical skills completely. On the one hand,
students
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 have considered studying in different
fields
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 to have more capabilities recently. In
this
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 competitive world, finding a well-paid career with a good work environment is really critical for all postgraduate
students
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.
Therefore
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, by learning different skills during their university days, they can broaden their knowledge in more academic
fields
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 to be easily attracted in the market.
As a result
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, they can not only reach their goals, but
also
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 their sense of self-satisfaction will increase significantly.
On the other hand
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, some
students
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 think that they have chosen their
fields
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 based on their interests.
Hence
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, they want to develop their abilities and skills in
this
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field
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 to be independent after starting their work.
Similarly
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, they know that they can follow other subjects outside of their universities in extracurricular activities with private tuition.
Consequently
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, they just want to enrich their knowledge in that
field
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 to achieve their professional growth during that period. In conclusion,
although
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 learning various subjects in universities might help some
students
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 find well-paid work conveniently in the future, it might hinder becoming a specialist in a specific
field
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. I recommend that universities reduce the period of each
field
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 by focusing on their efficiency to give
students
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 the chance to save their time for other activities.

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structure
Make clear how you show both sides and state your view in each part of the essay.
grammar
Use short, simple sentences and avoid long lines of idea. This will help flow and ease.
coherence
Start each paragraph with a short line that says the main idea.
examples
Add real examples from life or study to back up the points.
lexis
Check spelling and use common word form so the text is easy to read.
task response
The essay shows both sides and gives an opinion clearly.
coherence
The use of 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' helps the tie of ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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