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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?

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Introduction
In many professional
sports
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, the number of
athletes
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 using banned stuff to enhance their performance has increased significantly.
This
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 phenomenon is driven by several underlying causes, and addressing it requires coordinated efforts from both individuals and institutions.
Body paragraph 1
One of the main causes of
this
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 issue is intense competition in professional
sports
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.
Athletes
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 are under constant pressure to achieve outstanding results in order to secure contracts, sponsorships, and national recognition.
As a result
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, some
athletes
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 resort to prohibited
substances
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 to gain an unfair advantage and meet high performance expectations. Another contributing factor is financial motivation. Successful
athletes
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 often earn substantial incomes,
while
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 failure may lead to career instability.
This
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 imbalance encourages some individuals to
prioritize
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prioritise
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 short-term success over long-term health and ethical standards.
Additionally
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, a lack of awareness about the severe health risks associated with banned stuff can
further
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 worsen the problem, particularly among younger
athletes
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.
Body paragraph 2
To address
this
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 issue, several effective solutions can be implemented.
Firstly
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, stricter anti-doping regulations and more frequent testing should be enforced by
sports
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 authorities.
This
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 would increase the likelihood of detection and act as a strong deterrent.
Secondly
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, education plays a crucial role.
Athletes
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 should receive comprehensive training on the health consequences and ethical implications of using banned
substances
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.
Such
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 programs can promote fair play and responsible decision-making.
Finally
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, psychological support should be provided to
athletes
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 to help them manage stress and performance pressure without relying on harmful
substances
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the rise in the use of banned
substances
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 in professional
sports
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 is mainly caused by competitive pressure, financial incentives, and insufficient awareness. Through stricter regulations, education, and psychological support,
this
Linking Words
 problem can be effectively reduced, ensuring healthier
athletes
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 and fairer competition in
sports
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.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question well. To make the ideas stronger, explain more clearly how each cause leads to drug use. For example, say that a player may fear losing a job or money after poor results.
task response
Your solutions fit the problem. Add one real or clear example, such as surprise tests during training or lessons for young players. This would make your answer more full and more convincing.
task response
Use “banned substances” instead of “banned stuff”. This is more clear and more suitable for a formal essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: causes, then solutions, then a short ending. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
The links between ideas are easy to follow. You can make the cause paragraph even smoother by using a link such as “This pressure is made worse by financial rewards” before the point about money.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has good focus. You could group the health-risk point with education more closely, because education is a direct answer to low awareness.
task response
You give three clear causes and three useful ways to deal with the problem. All of them are directly related to professional sport.
task response
Your main ideas are clear: pressure to win, money, lack of knowledge, testing, education, and mental help.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the ending brings the main points together clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, “Finally”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Performance-enhancing drugs (PEDs)
  • Doping
  • Anti-doping regulations
  • Detection methods
  • Ban substances
  • Ethical issues
  • Health risks
  • Fair play
  • Sportsmanship
  • Stakes
  • Pressure to succeed
  • Enforcement
  • Awareness programs
  • Testing frequency
  • Entourage
  • Science advancement
  • Financial gains
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