IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than the previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
There is a debate that
people
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 who live in the 21st century have a better standard of living than those in previous
centuries
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. I fully agree, because nowadays
people
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 have more opportunities and chances that were not available in previous
centuries
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.
Body paragraph 1
First and foremost, currently,
people
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 have a better
quality
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 of
life
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 because of technology.
This
Linking Words
 is because in previous
centuries
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, technology was not as developed as it is now. Individuals have a better and easier
life
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 with technologies
such
Linking Words
 as cars, phones, planes, and so forth.
For example
Linking Words
, in previous
centuries
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 it was difficult to move from one place to another;
however
Linking Words
, today
people
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 have cars and planes , which make living easier and more enjoyable.
Then
Linking Words
people
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 have phones, and it has become much easier to communicate with other
people
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, even if they are in another country.
For example
Linking Words
, now it is more convenient to talk with
people
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 who are located on the other side of the world.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
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, there is a better
quality
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 of
life
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 because of advances in
health
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 and technologies in hospitals. In previous
centuries
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, it was difficult to find a hospital or well-qualified doctors;
however
Linking Words
, today there are a lot of hospitals and doctors
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 are always able to help with
health
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 issues.
For example
Linking Words
, it was tough to perform operations on
people
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,
such
Linking Words
 as heart or other organ operations, but currently it is much easier to find a doctor who can operate on organs and ensure a better
quality
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 of living.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it has become easier because technologies in hospitals provide more opportunities to check
people
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's
health
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.
This
Linking Words
 means it has become affordable to live with good
health
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 and a better
quality
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 of
life
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.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
, I fully agree that
people
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 have a better
quality
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 of
life
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 than in previous
centuries
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.

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task response
Your view is clear: you fully agree. You give two main reasons, travel and talk, and health care. To make the answer stronger, explain more clearly why these changes improve daily life for most people.
task response
Some examples are too general. Add one clear example with a result. For example, say that a fast heart operation can help a person live longer and return to work or family life.
task response
Avoid saying that good health is affordable for all people. This is not true in every country. You can say that health care is better in many places, while some people still cannot get it easily.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: an opening, two body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make each body part begin with one direct main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use links more carefully. You use “For example” many times. You can also use “As a result”, “Because of this”, and “In addition” to show how each idea connects.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences repeat “better quality of life” and “easier” too often. Use other simple words, such as “safer”, “faster”, “more free time”, and “more help”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the health paragraph more focused. First discuss better doctors and care, then discuss hospital tools, and finally explain the result for people’s lives.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same clear view from the opening to the ending.
task response
Your ideas about modern travel, phones, hospitals, and doctors are on the topic and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has two clear body parts and a short ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words such as “First and foremost”, “Moreover”, “however”, and “To sum up” to guide the reader.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancements
  • Healthcare improvements
  • Economic growth
  • Social changes
  • Global connectivity
  • Standard of living
  • Life expectancy
  • Gender equality
  • Legal rights
  • Globalization
  • Cultural exchange
  • Access to information
  • Environmental concerns
  • Sustainable development
  • Stress levels
  • Quality of life
  • Medical progress
  • Job opportunities
  • Income disparity
  • Life satisfaction
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