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Writing Samples
Band 8

In some countries, the government pays for health care. In others, the individual must pay for their own health care. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of each system.

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Introduction
Healthcare
Use synonyms
 is funded in different ways around the world. In some nations, the state provides medical services through taxation,
whereas
Linking Words
 in
others
Punctuation problem
others,
show examples
 individuals are expected to cover their own costs.
Although
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 privately funded
healthcare
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 can offer greater choice and quicker
treatment
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, government-funded systems are generally more equitable and protect
people
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 from financial hardship.
Body paragraph 1
One major advantage of requiring individuals to pay for
healthcare
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 is that it can improve efficiency and patient choice.
People
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 who are able to pay for
treatment
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 may select a particular doctor or hospital and often receive appointments, tests, and operations more promptly. Private providers
also
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 have a financial incentive to maintain high standards of service in order to attract patients.
However
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,
this
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 model has a serious disadvantage
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 medical care may become inaccessible to those on low incomes. A person with a chronic illness,
for example
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, may postpone necessary
treatment
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 because of the cost, which can worsen both their health and financial situation.
Body paragraph 2
By contrast
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, state-funded
healthcare
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 ensures that essential
treatment
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 is available regardless of a person’s income or employment status.
This
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 reduces inequality and prevents families from facing devastating bills after accidents or serious illnesses.
Furthermore
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, when
people
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 can consult a doctor early, diseases are more likely to be detected and treated before they become severe, which may reduce long-term public health costs.
Nevertheless
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, government-funded systems can place considerable pressure on national budgets and sometimes result in overcrowded hospitals and lengthy waiting lists for non-urgent procedures.
Conclusion
In conclusion, privately funded
healthcare
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 may provide faster
treatment
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 and more personal choice, but it risks excluding
people
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 who cannot afford care. Publicly funded
healthcare
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 is more socially just, despite its cost and potential delays.
Therefore
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, the most effective approach may be a strong universal public system complemented by optional private services.

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task response
You cover both systems well. To make the ideas even stronger, add one more clear real-life example for the public system, such as a family getting help after a car crash.
task response
Your main view is clear from the start and is repeated at the end. Keep this clear line of thought in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a very clear plan: opening, one part for each system, and a short ending. Each paragraph stays on one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “However”, “By contrast”, “Furthermore”, and “Nevertheless”. In future, you can use a few fewer links so that the flow feels more natural.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph gives a clear answer and also offers a possible middle way. This makes the whole essay feel complete.
task response
You explain good and bad points for both private and public health care, so the response fully answers the question.
task response
The example of a person with a long-term health problem clearly shows why paying for care can be hard for poor people.
coherence and cohesion
The opening clearly tells the reader what the essay will discuss and gives your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Ideas move in a clear order, and the contrast between the two systems is easy to follow.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal access
  • financial burden
  • preventive care
  • taxpayer expense
  • wait times
  • overuse
  • competition
  • personal responsibility
  • inequality in access
  • financial devastation
  • necessary care
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