IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that public transport should be free for everyone. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Public parks and open spaces are two of
Correct article usage
the
show examples
ways that provide clean air through
respiratory
Correct article usage
the respiratory
show examples
 system.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, shopping
centres
Use synonyms
 are one of the most modern life facilities that provide a lot of public services.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, every part has
its
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
several purposes. So, I agree
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some extent, approximately 60%
that
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
 shopping
centres
Use synonyms
more
Verb problem
are more
show examples
 crucial than public parks and open spaces because of
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
show examples
 to use them for all purposes
in one
Change preposition
at the same
show examples
 time.
For example
Linking Words
, the
manger
Correct your spelling
manager
 can provide all facilities that requirement to them
suitable
Punctuation problem
, suitable
show examples
 for shopping, with
such
Linking Words
 arrangements, like
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 ceiling glasses , and wide open windows. In turn, that will provide us
of
Change preposition
with all of
show examples
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
them
in one
Change preposition
at the same
show examples
 time in
limited
Correct article usage
a limited
show examples
 accessibility.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the shopping
centres
Use synonyms
 help us to attend a variety
facilities
Change preposition
of facilities
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as food courts, kids zones, clothes stores and household items.
In addition
Linking Words
, it is the safest compared to others with
acceptable
Correct article usage
an acceptable
show examples
 temperature. In turn, that keeps your body at
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
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 temperature without getting
sweat
Replace the word
sweaty
.
Body paragraph 3
Therefore
Linking Words
, the government should introduce strict regulations to reduce the drawbacks of shopping
centres
Use synonyms
. From my point of view, the shopping
centres
Use synonyms
 are providing high tax revenue to the government. In turn, that increase the abilities of staff to provide services to
costumers
Use the right word
customers
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, all these points show us the importance of human intelligence to fix unexpected problems that
may
Correct pronoun usage
we may
show examples
 face
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in future.
In addition
Linking Words
,
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 public awareness about technology services will solve a lot of problems.

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task response
Your essay does not answer the given question about free public transport. It talks about parks and shopping centres instead. Read the topic again and make sure every main idea is about public transport, money, and people.
task response
State a clear view in the first paragraph. For example, say if you agree, disagree, or agree only in part. Then keep the same view in all body paragraphs.
task response
Use two clear reasons to support your view. You could write about lower cost for poor people, less traffic, more tax cost, or crowded buses and trains. Give a short real or clear example for each reason.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an opening, body paragraphs, and an ending, which is a good start. However, the ideas do not follow the question, so the whole text is hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one main point. Start with a clear topic sentence, explain it, give an example, and link it back to your view.
coherence and cohesion
Some link words are used, such as “Furthermore” and “Therefore”, but they do not always show the right link. Use simple links: “First”, “For example”, “However”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear lines such as “provide us of all them” and “that increase the abilities of staff”. Use short, direct sentences so the reader can understand your meaning.
task response
You try to give a clear personal view and add reasons for it.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphs and include a conclusion, which helps give the essay a basic shape.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words to connect your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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