IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think governments should spend more money on public parks and open spaces, while others believe shopping centres are more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Public
parks
Use synonyms
 and open
spaces
Use synonyms
 are
one
Use synonyms
 of the most
crucial
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
interesting places that provide
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
visitors
numerous
Change preposition
with numerous
show examples
 facilities,
such
Linking Words
 as clean air, suitable environment .
In addition
Linking Words
. The government should provide all equipments to meet
people’s
Use synonyms
need
Check wording
needs
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, shopping
centres
Use synonyms
 are
one
Use synonyms
 of the most important ways to provide all individuals
facilities
Change preposition
with facilities
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as food courts, clothes
centres
Use synonyms
, and
kid
Check wording
kids
show examples
’ zones.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, spending
money
Use synonyms
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
parks
Use synonyms
 and open
spaces
Use synonyms
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
people’s
Use synonyms
 awareness
to the
Change preposition
of
show examples
 nature.
In other words
Linking Words
, it is significant to make balance between artificial products and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature in
people’s
Use synonyms
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
. From my point of view, that will be
Use synonyms
money consuming
Correct your spelling
money-consuming
 with
minimum
Replace the word
minimal
 results than we need because there are many sophisticated ways to
need
Verb problem
meet
show examples
 our needs.
For example
Linking Words
, malls.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, shopping
centres
Use synonyms
 are more crucial for many reasons
as the following
Change preposition
apply
show examples
: 1) provide modern facilities to support our health and meet our
necessaries
Correct your spelling
necessities
 and requirements.2)
achievement
Replace the word
achieve
 numerous purposes
in
Change preposition
at the same
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 time.
For example
Linking Words
,
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and health care. My point of view
,
Verb problem
is
show examples
 that the authorities should be aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
people’s
Use synonyms
need
Check wording
needs
show examples
, and their
deficiency
Fix the agreement mistake
deficiencies
show examples
 to increase the efficiency of
individuals life
Check wording
individuals' lives
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the authorities must introduce strict regulations to reduce the
money
Use synonyms
 requirement to open public
parks
Use synonyms
 and open
spaces
Use synonyms
 through
campaign
Correct article usage
a campaign
show examples
awareness
Verb problem
to raise awareness
show examples
 about saving
money
Use synonyms
 and
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
show examples
 our city clean.
However
Linking Words
, the shopping
centres
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 take
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 consideration
through
Change preposition
the use of
show examples
 volunteers and
advertisement
Replace the word
advertising
 because of the ability to
rapid
Verb problem
provide rapid
show examples
 services.
Body paragraph 3
Therefore
Linking Words
, everything should take it places to show the diversity of services
of
Change preposition
to meet
show examples
people’s
Use synonyms
need
Check wording
needs
show examples
. From my point of view, all these should not
free
Verb problem
be free
show examples
 of charge to keep
maintain
Verb problem
apply
show examples
them
as
Rephrase
as long as
show examples
 possible as we can.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the shopping
centres
Use synonyms
 far outweighed the public
parks
Use synonyms
 and open
spaces
Use synonyms
. So, the authorities should consider
this
Linking Words
 issue
Use synonyms
one
Change preposition
as one
show examples
 of the important things in their priority for
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 life
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 human
being
Check wording
beings
show examples
.

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task response
Discuss both sides in a clear way. Give one full paragraph about parks and one full paragraph about shopping centres before you give your own view.
task response
Make your own view clear from the start and keep it the same. You say malls are better, but some lines also ask for parks, so the main view is not always clear.
task response
Explain why parks need public money. For example, parks give free space for walking, play, fresh air, and time with family.
task response
Use real and clear examples. Instead of only writing “malls”, explain how a local park can help old people, children, and people with low pay.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, parks, shopping centres, and conclusion. Put only one main idea in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Do not use lists such as “1)” and “2)” in this kind of essay. Write full sentences and link them with simple words such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, and “For this reason”.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences do not link well to the point before them. For example, the part about rules, volunteers, and ads needs a clear link to the main question about public spending.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main point stronger with a reason and an example. This will help the reader follow your ideas more easily.
task response
You answer both parts of the question and give a clear final view that shopping centres are more important.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. You also use linking words such as “To begin with”, “Furthermore”, and “In conclusion”.
task response
You include useful ideas about parks, such as clean air and nature, and about shopping centres, such as food, clothes, and health care.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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