IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Aircraft have been increasingly used to transport fruits and vegetables to some countries where such plants hardly grow or are out of season. Some people consider it a good idea, but some people opposie it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Aircraft
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 are used more and more to transport
fruits
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 and
vegetables
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 to some
countries
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 where they cannot grow easily
or
Punctuation problem
, or
show examples
 they are not in season. Some
people
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 think
this
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 is a good idea, but other
people
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 disagree.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and give my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are some good things about transporting
fruits
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 and
vegetables
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 by
aircraft
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.
People
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 can get different kinds of food from other
countries
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.
For example
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, some
fruits
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 grow in hot
countries
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but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 they can be transported to cold
countries
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.
This
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 gives
people
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 more choices of food.
Also
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,
countries
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 can increase their trade with other
countries
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 some bad effects. Local
farmers
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 may lose customers because
people
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 can buy
fruits
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 and
vegetables
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 from other
countries
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.
This
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 can make
farmers
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 have less money
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they may have problems with their farms.
Also
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, using
aircraft
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 for transportation can
make
Verb problem
cause
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 more pollution because planes use a lot of fuel.
Conclusion
In conclusion, there are advantages and disadvantages of transporting
fruits
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 and
vegetables
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 by
aircraft
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. In my opinion, the disadvantages are more important because
it
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they
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 can affect local
farmers
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 and the environment.
Countries
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 should try to support local
farmers
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 and produce more food locally.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why each point matters. For example, say how food from far away may help people eat well in winter, and why the cost to local farms may be hard for a town.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, but they are quite general. Add one or two more clear examples. You could name a cold country that gets mangoes in winter, or show how a local farm may lose sales when cheap food comes from abroad.
task response
Your view is clear in the end. Make it more direct by saying if air transport should be used only for some foods or only when there is a real need. This would give your opinion more force.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, one side, the other side, and ending. Keep this plan, but link ideas inside each paragraph more closely. For example, after the point about more food choice, explain that this is most helpful when local food is not there.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear link words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion”. Use a few more simple links to show reason and result, such as “because”, “so”, “as a result”, and “however”.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has two points, but the points are short. Give each point a reason or an example before moving to the next one. This will make the writing flow better and feel less like a list.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you show good points, bad points, and your own view.
task response
The points about food choice, trade, local farms, and pollution are all on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your opening clearly tells the reader what the essay will do.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending clearly sums up your view and gives a useful next step: support local farmers and grow more food at home.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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