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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some countries, the government pays for health care. In others, the individual must pay for their own health care. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of each system.

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Introduction
Certain
countries
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 have
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government sponsered
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government-sponsored
healthcare
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Use synonyms
system
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systems
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 in other
countries
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 the patient has to take
responsilibility
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responsibility
 for it.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 topic has certain advantages like universal
healthcare
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, economic
development
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, equality in
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
system
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 and affordability, it
also
Linking Words
 has disadvantages like high taxes and longer wait times.
Body paragraph 1
Countries
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 where
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healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
show examples
system
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 is paid
by
Change preposition
for by
show examples
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 have experienced better medical services, equality in
Use synonyms
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
show examples
system
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, affordability and massive economic
development
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.
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Government backed
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Government-backed
system
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 makes sure that people do not have to face huge financial burden for basic
healthcare
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 needs,
also
Linking Words
 making sure that patients from different
bachgrounds
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backgrounds
 are treated equally
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 promotes economic
development
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, Canada has a medical
system
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 supported by
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government
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the government
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 which provides free
healthcare
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 to everyone in the country,
eventhough
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even though
 there are huge tax cuts and wait
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
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 for appointments and approvals.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 other
countries
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 where the individual has to pay for their doctor's visit can choose
,
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apply
show examples
 which service is needed, and pay for the specific procedure
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 It
also
Linking Words
 provides the flexibility of changing
doctor's
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doctors
show examples
 as per the
availibility
Correct your spelling
availability
 and reduced wait times.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are low tax cuts from their salary
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 puts a little bit more money in their savings.
Conclusion
In conclusion, Eventhough
government
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 backed
healthcare
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system
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 has some drawbacks like huge taxes and wait times, it still ensures
health care
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healthcare
 for everyone without
dicrimination
Correct your spelling
discrimination
 and increases financial security
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 makes it a positive
development
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.

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task response
Cover both systems in a more equal way. The first body paragraph gives more ideas about government-paid care, but the second paragraph needs more detail about people paying for care.
task response
Explain each good point and bad point with a clear reason. For example, say why high tax may be hard for some people, and why paying for care can cause money problems for low-income people.
task response
Use one clear example for each system. Canada is a useful example, but explain exactly how it shows both a good side and a bad side. Add an example of a country or a person using private care.
task response
Be careful with ideas that are not fully shown. Free health care can help people, but it does not always cause large economic growth. Explain the link, or use a safer idea such as better health and less money worry.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, government-paid care, self-paid care, and conclusion. Keep the good points and bad points together in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with a direct main idea. Then give one good point, one bad point, and a short example. This will make the writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Words such as 'however', 'for example', 'as a result', and 'in contrast' can show the link between ideas. Do not join too many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion match the task. The task asks to discuss both systems, so end by saying that each system has both good and bad sides, even if you state which one you prefer.
task response
You answer both parts of the topic by writing about government-paid care and self-paid care.
task response
You include useful points such as equal care, cost, tax, choice, and waiting time.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, so the reader can follow the main plan.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as 'for instance', 'on the other hand', and 'moreover', to move between ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal access
  • financial burden
  • preventive care
  • taxpayer expense
  • wait times
  • overuse
  • competition
  • personal responsibility
  • inequality in access
  • financial devastation
  • necessary care
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