IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many person are opting for several career options as compared to a single career option to earn more money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
These days , some of the working-age people are trying to look for multiple professional fields, rather than focusing on a single choice , so that they can be more financially independent.
This
Linking Words
 trend is obvious for current job market situation, and I fully agree with
this
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 statement.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, people try to look for various appointment options , which are helpful for them to secure their position in
a
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society
,
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 and fulfil their dreams. These targets can be either monetary or emotional. For
Body paragraph 2
For example
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, if an individual is focused on buying a home in the initial days of employment,
then
Linking Words
 he or she has to select the best earning position from the pool of different markets. A career in banking can be more profitable than a position as a researcher. In
this
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 scenario, if one had just thought to be in academics during the whole phase of school life, it would be difficult for a person to be a banker
,
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 if he
thinks
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were
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 to jump across from the educational sector to the financial sector.
Body paragraph 3
Adding
further
Linking Words
, choosing the right career can be difficult in the early period of life, as most of the students choose their passion, rather than the future aspects of the
markets
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market
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. It is good to have multiple options for the future, as it can be easy for them to select another activity
,
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 if they are not making enough.
For instance
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, nowadays more electric vehicles are entering the job market as compared to the past,
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therefore
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if a student is thinking only to become a diesel mechanic,
then
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 he would not be earning as much as the others who had not focused only on diesel but had
also
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 thought about the electric vehicles in advance.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, people should look into multiple opportunities before settling on a final career, as there can be more choices available around, so they can make more money.

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task response
State your main view more clearly. The question is about having more than one career to make more money. Your essay often talks about choosing one job from many jobs. Explain the difference between trying several careers and choosing one career after looking at many choices.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. In the first body part, explain why more than one career can lead to more pay, and how this works in real life. In the second part, explain how new work, such as electric cars, can make people learn new skills and move into better-paid work.
task response
Use examples that fit your point exactly. The banking example shows changing from school work to banking, but it does not clearly show how having several career options leads to more money. Add a direct example, such as a worker who learns both car repair and electric-car repair and can apply for more jobs.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear idea in each paragraph. Start each body paragraph with a short main sentence, explain it, then give one example. This will make your argument easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a natural way. Use simple links such as “First”, “Also”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “However”. Do not repeat the same idea about having many options without adding a new reason.
coherence and cohesion
Make the opening and ending match. In the opening, say clearly that you agree people should keep several career options. In the ending, repeat this view and give the two main reasons: more job chances and better pay.
coherence and cohesion
Remove broken or repeated parts, such as the extra “For”. Check that each sentence is complete before you move to the next idea.
task response
You give a clear personal view from the start and keep the same view in the ending.
task response
You use real-life topics, such as banking, research, diesel cars, and electric cars, to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear opening, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful signposts such as “To begin with”, “For example”, and “To conclude” to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic necessity
  • gig economy
  • income diversification
  • personal fulfillment
  • technological advancements
  • digital platforms
  • work-life imbalance
  • stress and burnout
  • wage stagnation
  • rising cost of living
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