Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Introduction
Nowadays, an increasing number of
people
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are choosing alternative
medicines
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and treatments
instead
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of visiting their usual
doctor
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. Some
people
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believe that these treatments are cheaper and more convenient,
while
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others argue that visiting a
doctor
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is essential for identifying
health
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problems. I believe that
this
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is a negative development because taking
medicines
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without professional medical
advice
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can be dangerous.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, alternative treatments can be more convenient and less expensive than visiting a
doctor
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.
People
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do not have to spend a lot of time waiting for an appointment, and they can find
advice
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on the internet, which is often free.
In addition
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, visiting a
doctor
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can be costly because some patients may need blood tests, X-rays, or other medical examinations.
For example
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, I once went to a
doctor
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because I had been suffering from headaches for a long time. The
doctor
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asked me to have several tests, which cost me a lot of money. In the end, the results showed that I was not sleeping well.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, visiting a
doctor
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is important for maintaining good
health
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and identifying diseases early. Doctors are trained to understand patients' symptoms and prescribe suitable
medicines
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. They can
also
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consider a patient's medical history and possible side effects before recommending treatment.
For instance
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, I once took some medicine after receiving
advice
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from the internet, but it had a negative effect on my
health
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. When I visited my
doctor
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, they explained that online information is not always reliable.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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alternative
medicines
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can be cheaper and more convenient, I believe that relying on them without professional
advice
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is a negative development. Taking inappropriate
medicines
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can cause serious
health
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problems, so
people
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should consult a qualified
doctor
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when necessary.

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task response
Make your main view even stronger from the start. Say clearly that this is a negative change, then show why the good points do not make it safe.
task response
Give one more clear reason why people should see a doctor, such as the risk of a late or wrong finding of a serious health problem.
task response
Your examples fit your ideas well. To make them stronger, link each example more directly to your main point with a short final sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part plan: start, two main parts, and end. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Use a few more links inside each paragraph. For example, use “because”, “so”, and “as a result” to show how one idea leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
The first main paragraph gives reasons for the other side, but your own view is negative. Add a sentence at the end of that paragraph to show that low cost and ease are not more important than safe care.
task response
You answer the question clearly and keep the same view from the start to the end.
task response
You give clear reasons for both sides, and your reasons are linked to the topic.
task response
The personal examples are easy to understand and help show the cost and safety issues.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main job, so the essay is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what the essay will discuss and gives your view.
coherence and cohesion
The ending sums up your main point and gives a clear final message.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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