IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many person are opting for several career options as compared to a single career option to earn more money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Nowadays, most
people
Use synonyms
 are interested in choosing multiple careers
than
Correct word choice
rather than
show examples
 following a single
profession
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 to upgrade themselves financially. I completely agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trend, as having multiple
skills
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 and experiences can
gaurantee
Correct your spelling
guarantee
 absolute professional
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and financial success, as compared to following a single
profession
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 for years, and have narrowed chances in the current
job
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 market.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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,
due to
Linking Words
 heavy
competetion
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competition
 in the
job
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 market, many professionals have switched to gaining knowledge and experience to be qualified for multiple career opportunities. Focusing on numerous professional options
,
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apply
show examples
 increases the
probablity
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probability
 of seeking out jobs, and
also
Linking Words
widening
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widens
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 the range of careers, companies, and different
skills
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,
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apply
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 that could be acquired.
People
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 are
also
Linking Words
focussing
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focusing
 on several different options professionally, to have some backup,
incase
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in case
 they do not make it into their preferred choice, and even to upgrade
skills
Use synonyms
 in order to prove their worth to the company, which could provide them an
upperhand
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upper hand
 when negotiating their pay.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
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 who prefer to be in a single
profession
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 take
longer
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a longer
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 time to earn more money than the other group, comparatively. The chances of getting and upgrading in a
job
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 are slim
as
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, as
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 they do not possess multiple
skills
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. Organisations usually prefer an employee who
could
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can
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 manage multiple
job
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 responsibilities, which can only happen if you work in
different
Correct article usage
a different
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profession
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.
For example
Linking Words
, I am a mechanical engineer with experience in numerous professions like manufacturing researcher, machine operator, chemical technician and CNC technician, which has built my professional profile and given me the option to choose different careers which would improve my financial stability.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
Linking Words
Although
Fix capitalization
although
show examples
people
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 can improve their financial status by
focussing
Correct your spelling
focusing
 on
single
Correct article usage
a single
show examples
 career, I would completely agree with the fact that choosing multiple career options is a better way to do so in
shorter
Correct article usage
a shorter
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 time and increased probability of success.

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task response
You give a clear view from the start and keep it to the end. To make your answer stronger, explain more clearly why more than one career leads to more money. Also, say that this may not be true for every job, such as jobs that need many years of study.
task response
Your main ideas are useful: more job choices, a back-up plan, and better pay talks. Add one more clear reason or develop each reason with a short, real-life result. This will make your points feel more full.
task response
Your personal example is on topic and helps show your point. However, it lists many jobs without fully showing how each one led to more pay. State one direct link, such as: these skills helped me get a better-paid role.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, reasons, other side, example, and conclusion. Keep each body part focused on one main idea. The second body part mixes a general point with your own example; you could make the link between them smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “Firstly”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion” help the reader. But “On the other hand” is not the best choice because the paragraph still supports your main view. Try “Moreover” or “In addition” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences have too many ideas and commas. Break them into two or three short sentences so the meaning is easier to follow. For example, explain job choice first, then skills, then pay.
coherence and cohesion
Make key words more exact and keep them the same. You use “multiple careers”, “professional options”, “different professions”, and “several options”. This is not wrong, but using one main term more often will make the essay feel more connected.
task response
You answer the question directly and clearly state that you agree. Your view does not change in the essay.
task response
The ideas about job competition, back-up choices, skills, and pay are all linked to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present, clear, and linked to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
The paragraphs are easy to see, and the example is placed after the general point it supports.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic necessity
  • gig economy
  • income diversification
  • personal fulfillment
  • technological advancements
  • digital platforms
  • work-life imbalance
  • stress and burnout
  • wage stagnation
  • rising cost of living
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